Scams in Pattaya

In a sin city like Pattaya, it is almost impossible not to be the victim of one or another scam.
Just go to google and try a search for "scams pattaya". WOW! You get an amazing list of all possible dirty scams.

After you have been cheated a few times (just like me or anybody else who stays here for a longer time), you could be pissed and say: "I NEVER EVER give money again to a deaf or crippled person". Because... sometimes you see that same deaf-mute guy another day in another place, talking and discussing with others, just like any other normal person.

But such a reaction would be sad for those poor people that really need help like this man in the picture.
By the way, Thai in general, are very honest. But this is Pattaya where all the scum has been brought together, so use your common sense... :-)

Bars closed for 3 days, thai way

Bars are really closed today, in last respects to Princess Galyani.

Well, an excellent time to get sober again for the real alcoholics among us, I guess (and in Pattaya there is no lack of people with a small alcoholic problem...).
Though, tomorrow you'll be able to drink again in a similar way you can still smoke (it is forbidden, unless you can hide all evidence fast enough before the police arrives...;-))

How long does a girl work in Pattaya?

Just listen to her:

1) Mamasan talks to you, girl doesn't say anything = less than 1 week
2) "Hello" and "thank you" = 2 weeks
3) Me Kung... What name you? = 1 month
4) "Hello Handsome man!", "Me go with you", "You married?", "how old you?", "How long you stay?" = 3 months
5) She orders wine or cappuccino? = too long!

Well, something like that...

Thai, and Thai whiskey

Thai don't like to stay at home and they certainly don't like to be alone. They visit family, go to a restaurant, or play cards.
And sometimes they drink a little bit too much of Thai whiskey, like the Mekong, Sang Thip or Sang Som.

This guy looks like he has been drinking all of it, and his friend is helping him to look and smile at the camera...:-)

Having not so secret fun in Secrets

Don't know how they do it, but in Secrets they always have some nice, little movies.
Maybe not the best bar in town (though not so bad either, Halloween was nice there...), but they know the importance of youtube these days.

Click here

Loi Krathong

Almost time for one of the most beautiful days in Thailand.
Chiang Mai may be more the place to be, but Loi Krathong will be in fact everywhere on wednesday, nov 12

Here is some CHANGE

Club Blu has been sold recently. If Obama can deliver the same amount of "change", as bars change in Pattaya, he can keep his promise.
Lucky as we are, the sexy shooters girls remain the same...

Crazy taxi from Bangkok to Pattaya

Finding a taxi in Suvarnabhumi to Pattaya (or any other place) is very easy. Even better, a taxi will find you.
And if this is your first visit to Thailand, you might learn too late that this taxi was not really a taxi.

There are always a lot of guys in the arrival hall, asking you if you want a taxi, and if you agree, they will guide you to the parking opposite the street, where your "taxi" is waiting. No problem. You will probably get a good price, and arrive on your destination. Well, if you don't have an accident with your possibly crazy kamikaze driver, as these guys will often use a private car and drive as fast as possible in order to pick up the next "customer".

Funny part of the story is that the government promised to clean up quickly this false competition to the real taxi-stand about 2 years ago, but when you walk out of Suvarnabhumi these days, you will still see those people looking for customers, the police sitting in the office (drinking coffee, only paying attention to the security cams when they see a sexy butt on the screen), etc

If you are lucky, you will even see some cowboy at the other side of the street (just opposite the real taxi) with a big sign "PATTAYA", yelling: "taxiiiiiiii..... pattayaaaaaa....", only 1200 bath.
The security guys will hardly pay any attention...:-)

Halloween in Pattaya

Witches can be so sexy! Yeah, I know, Halloween is in fact nothing more than commercial crap from the U.S. but it is something I like in Pattaya. It's just great fun here!!!
I don't know about you, but I prefer to share the room with a witch instead of returning to that same room completely soaking wet during the Song kran days...

Coconut ladies

Frequent Pattaya visitors know who the coconut ladies are. It is a different name for the freelancers you can find on beach road, especially in the late afternoon/early evening. Don't know who came up with this name, but Coconut lady sounds better than beachroad freelancer...:-)

A lot of stories have been told about these coconut ladies, sometimes not so positive, but many of the girls here just want to be free, not working for a bar or agogo.

There are a lot more of them these days, but maybe it is just a wrong idea I get, because more girls cannot find somebody and hang around for a longer period. The financial crisis even hits the Pattaya beach road...

No alcohol ban, but should we be happy?

First the smoking ban, now the alcohol ban. Okay, let's be honest, the smoking ban is a joke; most bars don't provide ashtrays but empty bottles. Even in agogos you can smoke, as long as you use the empty redbull bottles as an ashtray and as long there is no police, officially...

OK, relief! The alcohol ban during religious holidays has been scrapped, the reason is obvious. Tourism has been hurt already enough, but I'm worried a little bit about the fact that more than 80% was PRO ban. Some day, this alcohol ban will be back.

I'm still positive about life in Thailand, but don't they understand?
Every new stupid rule like this -almost- non alcohol ban, might move some tourists from Thailand to other countries like Cambodia where individual freedom is still untouched.

Thailand supports the poor Cambodians, now that's lovely...:-)

Money Made in Pattaya

Life of a bargirl is not always so bad. It's a lot more easy than the hard work on a rice field for a few baht.
All the ethical thoughts and negative aspects put aside, it is one of the most easy ways to make quick money.
An ugly beer bar girl can make as little as 2000 baht/a month if she doesn't want to go with any guy, and return to the shared room each night, provided by the bar. But all she has to do however is sit in the bar, serve some drinks, play some games like "connect 4", and use the tip box to buy food.
As a girl working in an agogo bar, you get at least 6000 to 8000 baht, but most girls can easily earn 50000 baht or more, just have some lady drinks and catch a few more ping pong balls. If you have the right looks, and find some sponsors, you can make 200000 baht or more.
Bad day? Just sleep a bit longer, instead of going to the movies in Big C with your friends.

So, why not buy that Iphone or Nokia N95? One week "sing a song" and you're ready.
There is no way back to the rice fields anymore...

What happened to Sabailand?

When you walk around in Pattaya these days, you'd think they expect a lot of new tourists. New shopping mall here, new hotel there, ...
Most of these projects started more then a year ago of course, when there was no financial crisis yet. Only a complete idiot would build another new hotel now, if you ask me.

In Europe or the US it would probably never be possible (or at least, not THIS way), but here you can build a new hotel B, just in front of another hotel A. Bye bye seaview for hotel A... :-)

Sometimes I need (yeah, I really need) a body massage, and in this case it is easy to go to Sabai Room on second road near Big C. Don't like any girl? Okay, you just have to cross the road to Sabailand to drink another coffee and have a look at another few dozens of beauties in silk. Still not the one you like? Just a few steps further and there is Sabai Dee.
In 70% of the cases however, I got so horny in Sabairoom that I didn't reach Sabailand anymore. Needless to say, the chance I got into Sabai Dee was almost non existent.

Now they are building a new hotel in front of the old Sabailand. Shit! I don't mind where they put new hotels, but not in front of a nice body massage! I always liked the way that the door to the 7/11 market was just next to the door to Sabai Room. A little mistake and instead of getting a new toothbrush, and you were in front of the fish bowl.

This won't happen anymore...
Sabailand is now around the corner, still close to Sabai Dee but on the other side in soi 2.

Ah, not so bad. I got a real nice soapy with Sabai Dee number 126, a dark beauty, the place where I would probably never look without that hotel in front of Sabailand.
When I came out of the room I thought number 140 looked even better, dark skin too (yes I like it dark).
I'll have to go back now...

High season is a low season, no reservations needed

If you plan to go to Pattaya now, it might be better not to make a hotel reservation.

Hotels that used to be completely full by now, even like the popular Flipperhouse in Soi 7 for example, now have plenty of rooms available. They will give you a reduced price immediately, you don't even have to negotiate for it (reduced = 30% to 50% lower then prices indicated on their website). Previous years, you could forget it to come to Pattaya, just walk into Flipper in october and still find a room.

Maybe it will change in november or december, so don't blame me if you can't find a room then (however it seems unlikely to be a "normal high" season with the political troubles and financial crisis).

But for now, don't book, just go and see.

What's up?

Soi 15 (walking street, left side, coming from beach road) is currently one of the best streets in Pattaya if you want some agogo entertainment.

Angelwitch:
I did a little tour yesterday and as it was just before 10 p.m. the best place to start here is Angelwitch, the shows start at 10. It might become a little bit boring after a while (I hate that same, little repetitive sound between 2 "performances"), but the witches look still great, gliding down from the poles (something you can try as well, if you don't feel too drunk yet). Mamasan, an older Thai lady is a real business woman, walking around to keep an eye on every detail, chatting with the customers, especially the biggest money spenders, and trying to make them spend even more. She might promise you to be the first volunteer to be the "victim" of the girls during their little show, something that happens about 3 times every evening. In Angelwitch this is fun, not like that show in Polo Entertainment where they just try to get your thing as hard as possible, and you will always end with your pants down, in front of the public.

After that, time for Whats up agogo. I really like the new style in whats-up-agogo and they should refresh their website as it looks a lot better in real...:-)
Some new fresh girls were doing their acrobatic exercises on the ceiling: if you don't mind some tarzan-girls are flying around your neck while you're drinking your 110 baht Singha, have a seat on the left side. Some like it, some hate it.
Very nice place for a short time, but drinks are a little bit expensive, and the barfines and the girls are only for those who really don't care about the price.

I ended in Beach club, and... beach club is still beach club. They might have lost some of the best girls (replaced by very young ones) but I still like the concept with the girls dancing on your table in flashy uniform à la Peppermint.
And a barfine of 600 and a 2000 LT was okay for me, but after that the tour ended prematurely, as it was my intention to pay a little visit to Happy agogo after that...

Shit happens, but it happens first of all in Pattaya

This is an old picture, but I couldn't leave it to post it once again on this blog.
Some guy was very happy staying with a bargirl in Pattaya, and he really believed her when she said she would only love him and miss him so much and blabla... Back home, he posted a picture on a forum, to discover a little bit later someone else posted a picture too, more recent than his one, not only of the same girl, but even the same hotel room!

Fuck and forget

No Farang No Job

There are 2 things about this guy:
1) he is honest
2) he understands the real problems in Thailand, some politicians don't these days...

Fashion Pattaya style

You have to show what you got. This is actually "functional" clothing.

The importance of good communication for a bargirl

One for mama
One for the sponsor, working in Europe
One for the farang on holiday
and the last one for the real (Thai) boyfriend

Yes, it is important to keep things separated sometimes...

Riding the banana in Pattaya

If you arrived on this page by searching Google for the keywords "riding banana pattaya", I'm very sorry it is not what you were looking for, but this picture really is Pattaya...:-)
Thai bargirls don't like riding big bananas like this one (because a lot of them can't swim...)

Big boots

Ever wonder how these small girls - standing in front of the bars to lure customers inside - are able to walk with these boots?
Anyway, I like those big boots...:-)

Ping pong balls

In almost every Agogo bar you can buy those ping pong balls. For those who don't know:
you throw these balls in the middle of the stage to and all the girls will try to grab one and earn some extra baht.
Some like it, some hate it.

Krating Daeng or Red bull

It was a Thai invention originally, and these days you can still find it anywhere.
Good chances are there is a can in the mini-bar of your hotel. The name "Krating Daeng" is on the T-shirts with the Red Bull logo, but they pronounce it in another way, and it is written in Thai, in fact, it is the only Thai I can read...:-)

They have many different names now, just ask for "Lippo" when you're in a bar.

Messages in Pattaya are not that complicated

Having dinner at 3 in the morning

Thai eat all day long, even in middle of the night. But instead of Westerners they eat small portions.
If you stay with a Thai girl don't be surprised if she disappears in the middle of the night, telling you "me hungry". And if you want to try some Thai streetfood, you can do this 24 hours a day...

10 commandments of a bargirl

Don't know who invented this, but sometimes it is pretty close to reality:

1. Late week, specifically Friday and Saturday, many locally employed walking ATM machines will come to your bar. Choose carefully! Some have money, but others do not! If he is wearing a suit and tie, check that the tie is not a Pratunam special and check that he isn't wearing tennis shoes.
If either of these are in the affirmative, forget him because he is likely an English teacher, and they will give you peanuts _ that is if they give you anything at all.

2. No matter how fat and ugly he is, no matter how bad he may smell, no matter how drunk he is, make sure you always tell him how handsome he is. Sit close to him and run your hands over his body, arousing him.

As soon as he has paid the bar fine, you can stand clear of him. Even if he knows that you despise his ugly butt, he'll still pay you. The hard part is getting him to pay the bar, and as soon as you have done that, the rest is easy.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your customers. And once you have a good collection of addresses, a visit to your local Internet cafe is in order. All of those email addressees should be sent an email. Simply change the name on each email and send it off to all of the guys. If you can remember something specific about them, mention that in the email too.

These walking ATMs all have a soft heart, so you need to tell them a story to get them to send you some of their riches. Start with a sick buffalo and if he doesn't reply, next tell him that your mother is sick. As a last resort, if he still doesn't send any money, tell him you are pregnant and the baby is his!

4. Practice crying on cue. It is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect of helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for an extended period of time, make sure he takes you shopping, with rarn tong (gold shop) the best place to visit. Make sure he buys you gold and if he doesn't, see rule 4! As soon as he has left Thailand, take the gold back to the shop and sell it straight back to them, thus increasing your pay out.

6. When locally based farangs are inside the bars, do not speak in Thai with your friends in the bar but rather use Lao, Khmer or any other dialects that you may know.

It's bad enough that some of them can speak and even read Thai, but Lao and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. Thai currency cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover baht as he leaves and says goodbye.

While accompanying him to the airport, prevent him buying going-away gifts for his family and friends in his homeland. Which leaves more for you.

8. See Asian customers. They understand that we like to gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs.

9. Remember, when you get paid, you must always ask for taxi money and give him the excuse that taxi drivers cannot give change on big notes. Don't let him see the small change in your wallet. If taxi money isn't forthcoming, see rule 4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. Give Phuket a few years, then move on to Pattaya. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem as the walking ATM machines seem to be blind in Pattaya.

Political problems? it's only for joking...

Maybe you could ask: should I go to the Land of Smile or not, with all those problems in Bangkok?
Well, yes, of course you should!
In Pattaya everything goes on as usual, and I usually don't talk about political problems but when asking a bargirl about her opinion she simply answered: "Only for joking. you want one more Singha?"

Karaoke

Karaoke is not that very popular in Pattaya, but there are a few places however like SBI Superstar.
But Pattaya wouldn't be Pattaya, if some girls are not only there to help you sing...

By the way, "sing a song" sometimes has a very different meaning here...:-)

Happy birthday, Secrets

Today the Secrets bar celebrates 2 years, you can find this bar in soi 14.

Gone fishing

Fishing! Nothing more relaxing in this world, and a perfect cure for the "information overdose disease", we all suffer. You'll find plenty of possibilities to get on a boat for a fishing trip here.
You could try Google for "fishing pattaya" and there you are, or you could just ask some farang in a bar about it. Good chance there is a guy who can tell you all about it (I would say it seems especially popular with farang from Ireland).
Throw away that blackberry, iphone or laptop, stop reading this, and get on a boat!

Where to go when all the other bars are closed?

You could go to Tony's or Lucifer for a late drink, but these dancings are places I personally don't like that much.

Papagayo bar/gogo (soi Diana Inn, near second road) is one of the better places to have a late night drink, until 5 a.m. if you are lucky there are enough customers.

youtube movie here, and link there

Buy that teddy bear for your tilac

It may seem silly for you, but many Thai girls are crazy about it. They love those teddy bears, and you'll have enough choice in Pattaya to buy one, just sit in a bar in soi 7 or 8, and wait. So if you want to make your tilac happy, buying one of those sweeties might be a good start. It will be appreciated much more than anything else.

Does it have to be a big one? Oh yes, they like it big...;-)

How to tell your family you're going to Pattaya?

Many young guys ask me this funny question when back home:
'Shit man! I'm going to Thailand but how do I explain this? Everybody knows about the prostitution down there!'
In my case, I don't have to deny anything, I'm not doing any harm, and most of all, I don't care. But I had these same questions too, when I came to Thailand the first time. I never found the answer though, only the questions vanished.

The most negative reactions come from those who've never been here, or people who don't realize they are prostitutes too: working for a company and a boss they don't like, because they need the money, not selling their body, but selling their mind. That's even worse, but it is an opinion nobody will accept, and to be honest, it doesn't justify anything either.

The answer can be different for anyone, I tend to say: "There is nothing to explain".
But just let me try.

With moms it's easy, they will always deny the picture of their son, completely drunk in a red light zone, having fun with half naked bargirls grabbing his dick. Just tell her about the elephants and temples you've seen. And make sure you really did see at least one elephant or temple.
Take as many pictures as you can to make it look like you've been visiting temples all day long (the Royal Palace in Bangkok is a good place, but there is one near Pattaya too). If she would start asking about bargirls, you just say: "What? Bargirls?"...

It's more difficult to explain your trip to your colleagues. They will confront you immediately with the picture of you, drunk, with the naked bargirls. But they don't know anything. You could try with the elephants and the temple pictures, but it won't help. So, why not just answer:
"I go to Pattaya for the booze and the sex. And I like it. Any other questions?"

X-Zone

One of the better agogo places recently is X-Zone.
Wanna try something nice and different?
Then you should definitely try the ST room in the back. You will know what I mean, when you are there... :-)

Ice Bar, if you need to cool down...

If you are trying to get drunk in no time, the Ice bar could be something for you. Specials like "Vodka, all you can drink in 20 minutes" for 500 baht, might be a good medicine if you just had some troubles with your tilac, the cold will cool your anger...;-)

pattaya pattayaaaaaaaaaa

Lou Depryck is a nice French speaking Belgian musician/producer who decided to retire in Pattaya and still enjoys life to the max. He got here after an accident in Brazil where he fell from his balcony.

Maybe you've been talking with him lately, without knowing, as he speaks English pretty good.
His Hollywood Bananas date from the 70s when he had a few little hits, and as a producer when he had written this well known Plastic Bertrand - Ca plane pour moit song, covered in many different ways.
He also got a great success with Two man sound, just have a look at this old, but exotic movie.

If you retire you have to stay active he must have thought, and he did. You might have heard that FLB bar Pattaya Pattayaaaa song, but you don't know the origin?

PS Lou is bluffing he is still very active with his other banana these days, and I believe it's true... ;-)

The new Walking Street sign...

This is the real Thai way to handle things...;-)

The old sign in Walking street had some problems. Instead of arranging a quick reparation, or let it be until a new sign would be ready, they took it away.
Probably the plan was to replace it quickly with a new one. But it didn't come. After a few months still nothing.
Some said they had some budget problems, others blamed it on the new elections.

Anyway, they started working again, installed something half completed, and... stop working again.

Finally, the sign was ready last week. And out of order the day after...:-)

Do you miss your family?

The rather new (second) Family Bar is definitely worth a try (Soi 8, near Eastiny Hotel).

Before you quit, the second half of this video is the best...;-)

Soi 2, Pattaya North

One of the better bars in soi 2 in my opinion is Honey Pot, from the same owners as the Classroom agogo

You can't miss the Honey Pot, coming from second road it is on the right side, after the Classroom. And as you can see in this little movie, it looks a little bit like a fish bowl.
There are some nice fish recently...

Advertising, Pattaya style

Pattaya, the city where the word "shame" doesn't exist.

This is how a laboratory generally looks like in Pattaya. The important things here are in big capitals: the availability of Viagra, HIV tests, ... (the only thing I'm missing in this picture are ANABOLIC STEROIDS and BOTOX, because those are pretty popular too).

There is an advantage when you visit a doctor in Pattaya. You don't have to be ashamed to tell the doctor there is something wrong with your...willy. He or she knows.

In other places the doctor his first question might be: "What did you eat yesterday?". After a few other harmless questions they might ask you carefully about your sexual encounters and possible risks. Ooops! Do I really have to tell the details about what happened?

But in Pattaya, questions will come in the opposite order and a little bit more direct.

Well, in fact, the Pattaya doctor won't even ask you this type of question, because he will suppose you DID have anal sex with a ladyboy last night, and a soapy with some condomless oral actions the day before. The Listerine probably didn't help.
The first words might be: "okay, take off your pants, sir"...

What a relief, isn't it? You don't even have to tell him the whole story with that ladyboy...:-)

Buddha

A long time ago during one of my first visits to Pattaya, I was with a girl who -all of a sudden- just ran away.
She was shouting ugly things at me in Thai, and I didn't understand anything of it. Not the language, and not the reason!

Only later, when I was reading and learning about Buddha, I understood why. I did some of the most stupid, ugly things you can do, and remembered the moment when she got angry. I pointed at something on her dress, with my feet.
She was so angry, I didn't even have the time to ask for an explanation.

Since I knew why, I've been reading several books about Bhuddism, trying to understand as good as possible all those things.

Even if you stay only in a short time here, or anywhere in SE Asia, it's a good thing to learn about the dos and donts in Thailand, a lot of this has to do with buddhism.

Before you can understand the Thai, you have to know a bit about stuff like The Four Noble Truths or The Noble Eightfold Path

Don't wanna know about it? Then, at least respect it.

I see a lot of people making the same stupid mistakes as the one I did.

Some statistics

When arriving in Thailand you have to fill in the immigration form. The information on these form are used by the TAT, Tourism Authority of Thailand.

Wanna know how many Russians, Germans or Japanese have visited Thailand last year?
Check it out here

2008 is not yet in the statistics, but Pattaya is soooo quiet these days (which is normal in August but not like this) that I am a little bit curious to see these statistics next year, and how higher prices will influence the number of visitors.

Decent food for less than 100 baht

I don't like T-bone. Not in Thailand at least; it is worthless (unless you pay double for something imported, and by the way, Thai will tell you: buffalo work rice field, not for eat... okay, that explains a lot). There are some good places in town, like Cafe New Orleans or Patrick's Restaurant if you don't mind paying a Western price.

I drink wine occasionally; Thai are real barbarians when it comes to wine (they might serve you a glass of wine like a coke: with ice cubes and a straw!), unless you stay in the North near Laos, Nong Kai, where some old colonial French influences crossed the border. A baguette and a glass of wine is all I need when I stay there.
If you wanna get a Thai drunk, it's easy: they might drink Thai whisky like water, but give them a glass of wine and in many cases it works like magic...:-)

I avoid the clamshell stuff, and I will avoid the raw salads in most places too if I suspect some dirty water might be used, because there is one good rule I follow: Cook it, peel it or boil it. Pattaya is pretty safe, but after countless hours on the toilet, I'm careful...

Maybe McDonalds or KFC might be safe, yes, but... I'm not a fast food lover. Pizza in Pattaya? The last place to go is Pizza hut: Thai girls look nice in a Pizza Hut costume, but that's about the only positive thing I can say: the pizza is not the same as you might expect in a US or European Pizza Hut. Better go somewhere else.

In general, I avoid all the western stuff, for 2 simple reasons:
1) they don't know about western food!
2) Thai food is excellent

So, what is left?
Well, you could find me in Tops (corner second/central road) or Carrefour supermarket (near third road). For less than 100 baht you can join a buffet. only Thai food of course. Clean, quick and delicious. Want it really spicy? Then eat with the Thai near the small market, somewhere in between these 2 names I mentioned.

For non-Thai however, I might visit the Hippo/Welcome Inn in soi 2 or the French restaurant Chez Bernard sometimes in soi 3 (they both have good wines too, and they also treat it the way it should be: in a cool environment).
Near walking street I like the new Pattaya Beer Garden, or maybe the Kiss place on second road (opposite Mike).
When in soi 7 I prefer the norwegian Olala restaurant. Not only the food is great, it's a nice lookout too... ;-)

Yep, I know this is a very personal opinion on food.

Do you like it rough?

You can find anything in Pattaya: beer bars, BJ bars, gogobars and mmm... fetish bars?
No, not really. Thai girls are too sweet for this but... you could try the castle on third road, just have a look at the site.

Maybe something for you?

Don't use your credit card in Pattaya

"copy copy no pompem!"
Yeah, you know it: almost anything you buy in Pattaya (or let's say in half SE Asia) is a copy: Nike, Adidas, Rolex, all the software you can imagine, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Tommy Hilfiger, etc

Some places sell "real" stuff, like Royal Garden Plaza, Mike shopping or Big C but what is real in a country where nobody understands the difference between fake and real?
The only advantage is that you can get a buying ticket to satisfy the sad looking customs officer, on arrival in your home country, because I think a lot this "real" stuff is just as fake as all the rest. Only the shop is official.

Copying is a second nature...

So, you can pay your fake copies with your credit card, and while you do so... they scan and copy your credit card. Hah! The bastards! :-)

After a few months somebody might call you - if you are lucky they noticed the fraud - to ask you about your location, and tell you an "unusual amount" has been withdrawn from your account last night, at the other side of the world.
No problem, VISA knows about this very well, has a large budget and team for it, and will make sure you don't have to pay anything. They don't want any negative publicity of course.

My advice: DON'T USE YOUR VISA OR MASTER CARD WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO. It should be safe with the ATM's, but in a hotel, restaurant or while enjoying a good soapy, just pay cash. If you don't have enough cash while you just saw that unexpected sexy massage girl (if you are like me, you didn't get in for a massage, but only for a coffee of course), you should wait a little bit to have her number called through the speakers... Better go get the cash outside in the ATM and go back. Even if you trust the place - and most of the time you can - it will also save you 3% or more.

But if you don't play it safe: Sooner or later, they got you by the balls.

In Pattaya they got you by the balls all the time, but you don't want it to happen this way... ;-)

http://www.amuzingthaicartoons.com/

Are you a cheap charlie in Pattaya?

You don't want to be called a cheap charlie, but that's exactly what some experienced bargirls will tell you, if you're always looking for the cheapest deal. In Pattaya this means: cheap beer, cheap food and cheap sex.

For the beer and the food, it's pretty simple: follow the balloons! Every day you can find a bar that celebrates "x years opening" or some happy birthday, and there will always be some balloons. You can join the BBQ or the extra long happy hour.

IF you wanna be a cheap charlie, most bargirls prefer horny charlie...;-)
Maybe not worth to look for, as you can eat pretty cheap and good in Pattaya, if you eat Thai, and not the Schweinebraten mit Kartoffeln, Spaghetti, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC, or Sizzler.

The cheap sex? Just have a walk along beach road, dancings like Marine by closing time, or get a little bit out of Pattaya to discover some different, more Thai oriented bars (wear a white shirt too, it might help...)

Thailand fever

Before you start a relationship in Thailand, this book Thailand fever should be on your shopping list. It is different from the private dancer by Stephen leather, which is focused on nightlife and a guy who falls in love with a bargirl.

This book has nothing to do with nightlife, but gives you an idea about the cultural differences. A lot of basic stuff maybe, but a must for someone new to Thailand.

My second job: translating SMS

Some bargirls know me for a long time, and they also know they can trust me when they have a little translation problem.
Communication is very simple between a bargirl and her sponsor (=not so clever farang paying every month a certain amount, hoping his lovely sweetheart will stay out of the bar thanks to this financial support), but even though it is simple, it is very important not to make any mistakes that could end the sponsorship!

After some healthy exercise in the room with - let's call her Kung - the poor, little girl got a message from her sponsor with some difficult words. While lying naked on the bed with her, she showed me the little message:
"Hello my sunshine! How are you?"
After explaining her the difficult word "sunshine", I typed a standard, sweet reply to mister farang from Canada.
"Hello darling, me OK. Miss u so much!"
She told me to continue the "sms chat" while she was going for abnam (=shower).
His next sms was easy again:
"What are you doing now, my little princess?"
(I shouted to Kung in the bathroom: he asks me what you are doing now? Shall I say you stay with mama in Petchabun?, got a quick reply that this was very good)
...
"Me stay mama. When you come back Thailand darling? miss u so much!"
(HA! he should have known a naked man was answering his sms messages!)
"Don't know, maybe Christmas. How is school?"
(shit, school? What school?)
... I had to wait for Kung to come back, sitting naked with me on the bed, because I didn't know about that school stuff...
A little discussion and there comes the reply:
"School very good, but need more money. 7000 baht..."
... aaah, I could have answered this question without any knowledge about the background too. Kung wanted to open a saloon, some kind of a beauty/barber shop, but first she had to study a little bit for this. And mister farang had no problem paying her for the courses, an excellent way to keep her out of the bars in his opinion, because she had told him she really wanted to quit and start a new life since she knew her big love.
He agreed on paying 10000 baht extra, and while Kung was happy with my SMS-service pressing her naked, horny body against mine again, in order to start a second round, I quickly sent a message back: "thank you sooooo much darling. You best man in the world! big kiss! xxx"

A healthy tip to avoid the real highway to hell: check your visa date in Thailand!

Having a party all night with your Thai girlfriend, ending up in the monkeyhouse a few days later, living in your own shit between the rats in a cellar without windows for 5 years because... you overstay your visa.
If a Thai would tell you this on your first visit, you'd be laughing out loud. Cheap, silly joke!
But it's not. It's what recently (almost) happened to a mister Gerrit Verspuij from Holland, after being released last week. And he is not the only one.
He was in the north to visit his Thai girlfriend. After a discussion with her, they kicked him out of the house and he stayed in Chiang Mai for a while. He forgot to extend his visa permission, police checked his papers and he got in jail. A small room, with 20 other prisoners, one "toilet" in the same room, no place to sleep, mosquitos, rats, shitty rice and dirty water as your only food, no fresh air, etc

If you don't have enough money left, no friends or relatives, it becomes very hard to ever get out of the shit. This guy was lucky, after 42 days he was released because his employer missed him, found him, did the necessary paperwork and paid his return ticket. He didn't get involved in the numerous fights and didn't have any ugly diseases.
Others are not so lucky and were in prison for 5 or up to 7 years, still waiting for a way to get out.

This article on Thaivisa.com describes a few more details about the fines, and the bad things that can happen to you, if your forget that little text with the date on your visa.

A prison in Europe or the US is like a five star hotel, compared to a Thai prison.
They like a lot of "joking joking haha" here but not if it concerns drugs, or immigration...;-)

Cheap flights for Thailand

When it comes to low-cost in Thailand you have a choice between:
Airasia

One-two-go

Nokair

Nokair has been suspending flights, now one-two-go is suspending flights for 3 months on a larger scale.
Everything should be back to normal within a few months, but how? Higher fuel costs will remain a problem, especially for these smaller companies. I'm afraid prices will inevitably go up, we have to live with it.

Anyway, I'm a frequent Airasia customer, and I have to say: the recruitment and selection policy is absolutely stunning!

It almost feels like sitting in a flying agogo, the only difference is that these sexy angels won't come and sit on your lap, rubbing their ass against your instruments, and suggesting naughty things with their tongue and a wink...;-)

Don't have a swimming pool in your hotel?

Most tourists who visit Pattaya know about the Mike shopping mall, but not everybody knows about the swimming pool on top of it.
It's a nice place however, and for a little entrance fee, you can go swimming and enjoy one of the best views over Pattaya.

Living in Heaven?

Life in Pattaya ain't bad, but it is far from living in heaven between beautiful angels.

If I knew in the past, what I know now, my decision would become more complicated.
I cannot give you any advise if you're planning to retire in Sodom and Gomorrah. Would it be a good decision these days, or not? Needless to say: this is very different for everyone.

First have a look at the headlines in Pattayadailynews.com. Mmmm, today we have: drug habits increasing, gun-happy motorbike gangs, kratoey pick-pocket, today's robbery victim, etc
No one stabbed and burned like that mister Martin Jochems last week or no spectacular accidents today. Not bad!

There are good things happening too of course!
But it is clear that some people such as this mister Wantanee Khamkongkaew are telling happy stories that are so exaggerated, in a way that it becomes a joke.

In this article he is writing about the incredible beaches in Pattaya (yes, there is a beach but not so very incredible: have a look at the picture in my blog a few days ago), living in Pattaya as living in Paradise, on a small budget (I would say around 50000 baht each month, that's not big but not really small either and a lot more than what you need in Udon Thani or Nong Kai), crime rates that are comparatively low (yes, L.A. is probably more dangerous but it is not THAT low), and blablabla

This article could have the title: "Joke of the day".

Nevertheless, Pattaya ain't so bad, but it ain't heaven, unless you remain in the Heaven's door bar in soi 7..:-)

The shortest way to Pattaya Memorial hospital

You go to the most beautiful restaurant in Pattaya with the best view near the beach and sea. While you sit there with the romantic candle light, together with your fantastic looking partner, you order some delicious oysters. Some champaign? Yes, of course! It's a great evening, no time to think about your budget now. You feel like superman and It's gonna be fun tonight: sex and drugs and rock'n'roll !!!

Just a few hours later, instead of dancing in Marine and having the greatest sex of your life (that's what you were hoping for), you'll be shitting your pants like never before, ending up in Memorial hospital, with a three inch needle in your butt. A great shot of antibiotics, another needle in your arm, and a few days of rest later you'll be almost like new again, looking a little bit pale maybe, but after your trip to hell anything feels fine... ;-)

It happened to me, and it happened to a lot of other people I know, since my time in Pattaya. Follow the rules: cook it, peel it, or boil it !
Now you guess my answer when a waitress asks me "Would you like to try some of our delicious seafood sir?"

PS There are a few places though, where it should be safe to eat shellfish, but after my unpleasant experiences, I leave the test to others...

Me wanna be sexy lady

Keep trying guys! Just a few more operations to go... :-)

Vamos a la playa in Pattaya? No thanks.

Pattaya has been growing too fast during the past decades, and so has pollution. There are some improvements now, but I've never been swimming here and I never will (you might come out green colored with blue bubbles...).

A better option is visiting one of the small islands near Pattaya (Ko Lan) or the far islands where the diving guys go (Ko Rin, Ko Man Wichai). You could rent a boat on the beach that will bring you there (not too expensive if you can share it and go for a day). Or just go diving ;-)

Miss universe 2008

It's quiet in Pattaya, and most of the news is a little bit too sad these days: Homicide here, suicide there and economic worries everywhere. This excellent article about the inflation on pattayaghost.com tells you all about this. True and interesting.

However, life is too short to complain about all the bad things, and when there's nothing to say that makes you happy, I just had a look at the miss universe candidates this year, in Vietnam (shit, we're at the wrong beach in Pattaya!). When even Mr Buffet loses 20% this year, I'd say, forget about your stocks and let's have a look at these nice candidates that make you forget about credit worries, oil prices, inflation, climate change, rising food prices, lack of clean water, etc

Very nice girl, miss Thailand, but I'd personally vote for miss Aruba or Venezuela (see photo)...

Everybody JUMP !!!

Pattaya is all about jumping, but not always in the most clever way.

Bungee jumping to start with, is very popular but when you're used to Western safety rules, you might reconsider your decision to make a jump when you see the rope. They claim it is 100% safe, but I don't know. They didn't see any crocodiles in the lake where you'll be jumping, ...now that's a relief!...:-)

Another popular activity is base jumping, as this old article shows with some nice pictures. But again, I'd personally prefer to decline the offer.

Suicide by jumping in Pattaya is very popular too. It is amazing how many articles you'll find about people jumping to their death.

I'll keep it with the most popular jumping sport in Pattaya: jumping in the bed, the risks for injuries are minimal...

Do you like Asian girls?

If you arrived on this page, you're probably curious about Pattaya, or you just came here by accident. And if you're curious about Pattaya, you're probably male and like Asian girls.
I've always been a Flickr fan to store my pictures, and even with all those hundreds of new similar sites to store and share your pictures, I still prefer Flickr. It's my number one, just like the bargirls in Pattaya always tell me I'm their number one too, as long as my sexy wallet is filled...

If you just wanna browse pictures, Flickr.com is nice too, here are some groups to start with:

Asian girl next door

Awesome asians/

Asian Beauty (China Korea Japan Philippines Thai Taiwan HK Sing)

Asian female beauty

Asian Girls: your original work only, no photos found on the web