Pattaya dance contest

For those who like to see dancing ladies:

April 02, 9 pm, Champagne A GoGo
April 04, 9 pm, Hot & Cold A GoGo
April 08, 9 pm, Honey Girls A GoGo (recently opened, soi Honey, near Honey Hotel...)
April 11, 9 pm, Wet N Wild A GoGo
April 15, 9 pm, Paradise A GoGo (Finals)

Photographer wanted

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Photographer
It's a dirty job but someone has to do it:

Requirements:

• Should be prepared to get up early (around 10 or 11 am) to pick up the ladies.
  
• Must be able to keep things under control when driving with several wild girls in the car (experience to lead a team)
  
• Not afraid of getting wet in the swimming pool or sea, if this is required to take the necessary shoots
  
• Not shocked or confused if confronted with nudity
  
• Heavy workload and extended work hours (until 3 pm) are not a problem for you.
  
• And you should be prepared to travel, leave all your friends, and be all alone with the personnel on a distant location (ex. Koh Chang, see picture).
  

And now let's get back to work, and stop dreaming...

Girlfriendly hotels

Picking up a girl is easy in Pattaya. You don't have to find them, they find YOU.

Taking a girl to your hotel might result in an extra cost at the reception. But there are enough good hotels in Pattaya however where you don't have to pay, here are some girlfriendly hotels where I stayed myself:

Welcome plaza South Pattaya
Dynasty Inn
Sunshine (ask for new wing, in the middle of the action on soi 7)
Flipper House (on of my favourites, in the middle of the action on soi 8, but you'll need to make a reservation)
Queen Pattaya Very good location on central road near supermarket Tops
any sawasdee hotel
Lek Hotel Best breakfast in town! Also reservation necessary, always full.
Welkom InnNext to Sabai hotel (also good and girlfriendly) in North Pattaya, near the soapy Sabai room...:-)

Laatisowaat!!!

Choosing the right pants

It is important to select the right pants in Pattaya...;-)

Personally, I'll never wear jeans, too hot and for that reason not so good for your genitals!!!

If you see me in long pants, it might be Thai pants, you know, the ones that look similar to those in the traditional massage but a little bit different.
Or the very thin pants with flashy colors: good for the heat, good to keep mosquitos away. Not so good if you have something rising up, which happens a lot in Pattaya (and if it doesn't, they will always make it happen), as it is too easy to see through everything...
The girls will spot you immediately with such pants, giggling and grabbing your banana.
Sanook makmaa... :-)

A safer option are army pants.
In Pattaya it is not a problem to wear army camouflage pants, you won't be the only one. These are a little bit better, not so loose, and the camouflage helps a bit hiding too, in case you should have a "problem"...

Many Thai still consider shorts as something exclusive to school boys, though this is changing.

And if you choose something short, should it be wide too? It has its advantages, especially in soi 6...:-)

Easter eggs

Found them!
2 easter eggs...
Well, you know, they are rather small in Thailand...

Youtube

Sites like Youtube have made it easy to have a look at any destination, and movies on Pattaya are no exception.
However, taking pictures in agogo bars or a body massage are strictly forbidden. IF they allow it, it will be only on special occasions when there is, for example, a little show like a miss election.
In fact, all nudity in bars is forbidden in Thailand. Of course, in reality it depends on how much the bar owner is prepared to sponsor Thai police.
But movies like this one remain rare
Well, I'm not gonna risk a broken camera for this...:-)

Read this before your first trip to Pattaya!

Before you ever take your first dive into Thai nightlife, you should have read at least a book like "private dancer" from Stephen Leather. An interesting site to have a look at Thai related books is www.dcothai.com, not only about nightlife of course.

After reading what you can expect, it is time to find a good map, like this on on http://www.pattayabarguide.com

Skills of a bargirl

A lot of people who have never been to Pattaya before, might think about the bargirls that are working here as dumb, stupid girls, not capable of doing anything else but exploiting their beautiful body.
They can't be more wrong. Some of them really are, just as everywhere, but a lot of them are a lot smarter then the average management assistant. The smartest bargirls will make enough money in just a few years to start a small business maybe, to build a house and to support her family. 3000 dollar a month is easy, if you have the looks and know how to play the game.
Smart bargirls are the best in English in Thailand, and they can read and write better then most business men (English is not so easy, just try to learn the Thai alfabet yourself and you'll know how difficult it is, the same goes for the opposite way).
Typing fast is not a problem either, because as a bargirl, you can't stay all day in the internet café, you have to move on. And by making copies of the same mail message to different guys you can send a lot of email in no time. Just change the name in the end, and add a personal line. A clever bargirl will understand the importance of all this.
That's what they call customer relationship management...:-)

In the end it is always funny to see some tourists typing slowly, looking for the right character, one by one, sitting next to a bargirl, who is typing blindly, while she is chatting and having 5 windows open at once.

Having more then one farang friend needs some organizing skills too, especially if they are stupid enough to send you some money on a regular schedule, thinking you're not working in the bar anymore.
You'll have to keep an agenda, making sure there won't be 2 boyfriends at the same time. IF it happens, you'll have to disappear for a few days.
This requires that the other girls in the bar, will have to say the same story to your boyfriend when he shows up.
And as some girls might be jealous of your status if you become too succesful, it means you'll have to keep them happy too, maybe by doing the same favour, but if they don't have the luck to have a sponsor, you might be forced to give them some cash or something that keeps them happy.
A good bargirl knows about politics...

Some guys are even more stupid and willing to pay others to check on you, or even hire a private detective.
A joke? No, just have a look at popular sites like www.thai-spy.com.
So, all those previous skills are not enough to guarantee your monthly payments from your overseas boyfriend.
Maybe he could discover your baby or your Thai (real) boyfriend.
You'll need some espionage skills yourself, to keep these guys away.

In order to hook your customer, you'll also have to know very well what type of customer you have.
Some of them just want sex, others want a replacement for their lost relationship, or whatever.
Once you know his weakness, the rest will be a piece of cake.
That's what they call psychology...

The ultimate goal is maybe getting married, but even then it might be interesting to keep the show going on. You'll need a separate bank account, where you can keep receiving money from previous lovers as long as possible.
Working in a bar brings in a lot more money then usual, and though this is a difficult area, there are a few exceptional girls who are able to do some little smart investments, instead of spending all the money. But saving money is not one of the strongest points for many Thai in general.

These bargirls, they all missed school in one way or another. Or maybe not all of them, some are working in a bank, but in a massage in the evening, others just work a short time in a bar to pay for studies...

So watch out, the next schoolgirl you'll see in Classroom, might actually be a really smart schoolgirl...:-)

Don't loose your penis

Thai girls are sweet, not? Yes, they are. But you don't want to get them angry!
A police volunteer had been killed by his angry Thai girlfriend in Pattaya last night, and it made me think about something else, a very bad habit in Thailand:

Angry Thai girls are number one in cutting off dicks!

They tie it up to a balloon, flush it down the toilet, or throw it in the mixer. All this to be sure, there will be no more butterflying.

I had a Thai girlfriend too, who also warned me about cheating on her: "if you go with other lady, I cut this!!!", pointing somewhere between my legs...
The message was very clear, and I was lucky to get rid of her, without hurting her feelings too much...:-)

If you stay long enough in Thailand, you'll come across this scary situation more then once.

However, Thai doctors have the most experience in sticking the pieces together as well.

Before cheating your Thai girlfriend have a look at this movie on Youtube:

Welkom Inn, fun in the morning

We all know Pattaya is alive and kicking at night, but looks like a ghost town after dawn.
Some bars might open at 2 pm, but you won't see traffic jams until 6 pm, when the lions awake.
And in the morning before noon, there is NOTHING, or maybe, you didn't see Welkom Inn yet.

Welkom Inn is a hotel in Soi3 (also entrance in Soi2), but it has a little nice bar in Soi 3 too and the party starts early here. In Soi 3 you will see some ladies sitting outside before a curtain, which is the entrance to the very dark little bar inside (coming from the beachroad, it will be on the left side, just after some regular bars).

You won't need a flashlight however, there will always be someone to guide into the right direction... ;-)

Wifi in sin city

New toys with built-in Wifi make it easy to use the internet almost anywhere and anytime. However, you don't want carry your laptop all the time (certainly not in Pattaya...), and surfing the internet on a phone or pda has always been clumsy.
Tools like Opera mini, or Yahoo!Go made it a little bit more acceptable, but since I've been playing with Safari on an Iphone (also on Ipod touch), I know: this is what I've been looking for!

Safari on the iphone is what makes this little phone fantastic, in my opinion. Sorry, guys from Opera, you did a fantastic job, and I won't disagree with the fact that a N95 is technologically a lot better then the Iphone either, but Safari is - in my case - just what I want.

I've never been a big fan from Apple, but it's great to have the internet in your pocket the way it should be. Now just check your stocks or email, if the dancing girls are boring in the bar...;-)

Many bargirls will stay a bit longer to play with your little toy...;-)

Links:
http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/wifi/PattayaFreeWirelessInternetWiFi.htm

Jiwire: free and paid Wifi hotspots

http://www.apple.com/iphone

mmm... delicious

If you come to Thailand, you'll have to taste those delicious insects at least once, not?
Big white worms (still alive and kicking), grasshoppers, and these sort of cockroaches are mostly on the menu if you talk about insects...(you're lucky, they don't eat spiders like they do in Cambodia)
Especially the grasshoppers can be found regularly, even as a little "delicatesse" with your drink.
But I wouldn't feel the need to give this girl a kiss anymore, not in the next few minutes after eating that little nasty bug at least...

Bon appetit!

Birdcage

A new cabaret opened this weekend, somewhere between soi 16 and south road.
The birdcage looks big and nice, at least, something for the gay guys among us.

Playgirls

When you go to Pattaya for the first time as a single man, you probably know what to expect in a technical way, to put it simple; there will be a lot of bars, with a lot of girls. And those bargirls will shout at you, and you'll know they will be hungry for your money, and nothing else.
Yep, you've seen all those videos on Youtube, and you've been reading a lot.
Probably you don't even have the intention to go to your hotel accompanied by one of those bargirls. And you certainly can't imagine how some guys can be so stupid to fall in love with such a creature! You'll say: "Hah! Not with me!" Maybe you are married and not even thinking about ever cheating your wife.

But after a few days there will be that sweet, little nice girl you've seen every day since your arrival, spotting you when you're still far away from the bar, and getting ready your favourite drink before you even had to tell her something, with that lovely smile, while the small sexy thing is holding a little refreshment for you, before you even had to start your complaints about weather in Pattaya...
You'll listen to the sad story about "Mama sick", "Papa drink", "Brother no work", "Buffalo dead", and how she is forced to work for all of them in this bar she doesn't like. And how you are different and better then all those other tourists, of course. Oh yes, you're such a good, handsome guy.

Well, I know a lot of friends who listened to this story, again and again, finally falling in love with the little, sweet girl. And they all made the same mistake: you can get the girl out of the bar, but not the bar out of the girl. These girls are not the average Thai girls.

Yes, you could be lucky, but don't come to Pattaya and expect to find the girl of your dreams. You won't. You have a better chance winning the lottery as you'll just find playgirls playing a game in which you simply don't have a chance at all if you don't get out of it in time.

You'll be playing this game for a few days in a year during your holidays, but they've been playing it all the time. They are the experts, not you.

The game always starts with the same questions however: "where are you from?", "how many times you've come to Thailand?", "how long you stay?", "where you stay?"
These innocent questions will give them the necessary information for the strategy to be followed in the rest of the game.
Don't try to lie however, they are the best psychologists in the world. You always lose, before it even starts...:-)

Of course, the girls are not any worse then you are, and you are not any better then all the other bad farangs in town. Most of them really do have a family they work for, and deserve respect for that.

So just play, but only the small games that fit perfectly into your holiday schedule. You really don't have to buy a house, or send money to help her to stop working in the bar. Oh yes, her collegues are in the game too, they will always tell you she is home with mama if you'd be back unexpected while she is gone to a hotel with George, Fred, or Boris F**kinovski. Or her boyfriend might bring her to the internet café to tell you how much she misses you, when you're back home.
Don't worry, he will step aside with his beer you paid for, when she puts on the webcam...;-)

So, if you see these shoes in your room, you should know what to do...:-0

Despite all those warnings, a man stays a man, following his ... you know.
I won't be telling you I won't make any mistakes anymore, because I know I probably will.