Do you like it rough?

You can find anything in Pattaya: beer bars, BJ bars, gogobars and mmm... fetish bars?
No, not really. Thai girls are too sweet for this but... you could try the castle on third road, just have a look at the site.

Maybe something for you?

Don't use your credit card in Pattaya

"copy copy no pompem!"
Yeah, you know it: almost anything you buy in Pattaya (or let's say in half SE Asia) is a copy: Nike, Adidas, Rolex, all the software you can imagine, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Tommy Hilfiger, etc

Some places sell "real" stuff, like Royal Garden Plaza, Mike shopping or Big C but what is real in a country where nobody understands the difference between fake and real?
The only advantage is that you can get a buying ticket to satisfy the sad looking customs officer, on arrival in your home country, because I think a lot this "real" stuff is just as fake as all the rest. Only the shop is official.

Copying is a second nature...

So, you can pay your fake copies with your credit card, and while you do so... they scan and copy your credit card. Hah! The bastards! :-)

After a few months somebody might call you - if you are lucky they noticed the fraud - to ask you about your location, and tell you an "unusual amount" has been withdrawn from your account last night, at the other side of the world.
No problem, VISA knows about this very well, has a large budget and team for it, and will make sure you don't have to pay anything. They don't want any negative publicity of course.

My advice: DON'T USE YOUR VISA OR MASTER CARD WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO. It should be safe with the ATM's, but in a hotel, restaurant or while enjoying a good soapy, just pay cash. If you don't have enough cash while you just saw that unexpected sexy massage girl (if you are like me, you didn't get in for a massage, but only for a coffee of course), you should wait a little bit to have her number called through the speakers... Better go get the cash outside in the ATM and go back. Even if you trust the place - and most of the time you can - it will also save you 3% or more.

But if you don't play it safe: Sooner or later, they got you by the balls.

In Pattaya they got you by the balls all the time, but you don't want it to happen this way... ;-)

http://www.amuzingthaicartoons.com/

Are you a cheap charlie in Pattaya?

You don't want to be called a cheap charlie, but that's exactly what some experienced bargirls will tell you, if you're always looking for the cheapest deal. In Pattaya this means: cheap beer, cheap food and cheap sex.

For the beer and the food, it's pretty simple: follow the balloons! Every day you can find a bar that celebrates "x years opening" or some happy birthday, and there will always be some balloons. You can join the BBQ or the extra long happy hour.

IF you wanna be a cheap charlie, most bargirls prefer horny charlie...;-)
Maybe not worth to look for, as you can eat pretty cheap and good in Pattaya, if you eat Thai, and not the Schweinebraten mit Kartoffeln, Spaghetti, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC, or Sizzler.

The cheap sex? Just have a walk along beach road, dancings like Marine by closing time, or get a little bit out of Pattaya to discover some different, more Thai oriented bars (wear a white shirt too, it might help...)

Thailand fever

Before you start a relationship in Thailand, this book Thailand fever should be on your shopping list. It is different from the private dancer by Stephen leather, which is focused on nightlife and a guy who falls in love with a bargirl.

This book has nothing to do with nightlife, but gives you an idea about the cultural differences. A lot of basic stuff maybe, but a must for someone new to Thailand.

My second job: translating SMS

Some bargirls know me for a long time, and they also know they can trust me when they have a little translation problem.
Communication is very simple between a bargirl and her sponsor (=not so clever farang paying every month a certain amount, hoping his lovely sweetheart will stay out of the bar thanks to this financial support), but even though it is simple, it is very important not to make any mistakes that could end the sponsorship!

After some healthy exercise in the room with - let's call her Kung - the poor, little girl got a message from her sponsor with some difficult words. While lying naked on the bed with her, she showed me the little message:
"Hello my sunshine! How are you?"
After explaining her the difficult word "sunshine", I typed a standard, sweet reply to mister farang from Canada.
"Hello darling, me OK. Miss u so much!"
She told me to continue the "sms chat" while she was going for abnam (=shower).
His next sms was easy again:
"What are you doing now, my little princess?"
(I shouted to Kung in the bathroom: he asks me what you are doing now? Shall I say you stay with mama in Petchabun?, got a quick reply that this was very good)
...
"Me stay mama. When you come back Thailand darling? miss u so much!"
(HA! he should have known a naked man was answering his sms messages!)
"Don't know, maybe Christmas. How is school?"
(shit, school? What school?)
... I had to wait for Kung to come back, sitting naked with me on the bed, because I didn't know about that school stuff...
A little discussion and there comes the reply:
"School very good, but need more money. 7000 baht..."
... aaah, I could have answered this question without any knowledge about the background too. Kung wanted to open a saloon, some kind of a beauty/barber shop, but first she had to study a little bit for this. And mister farang had no problem paying her for the courses, an excellent way to keep her out of the bars in his opinion, because she had told him she really wanted to quit and start a new life since she knew her big love.
He agreed on paying 10000 baht extra, and while Kung was happy with my SMS-service pressing her naked, horny body against mine again, in order to start a second round, I quickly sent a message back: "thank you sooooo much darling. You best man in the world! big kiss! xxx"

A healthy tip to avoid the real highway to hell: check your visa date in Thailand!

Having a party all night with your Thai girlfriend, ending up in the monkeyhouse a few days later, living in your own shit between the rats in a cellar without windows for 5 years because... you overstay your visa.
If a Thai would tell you this on your first visit, you'd be laughing out loud. Cheap, silly joke!
But it's not. It's what recently (almost) happened to a mister Gerrit Verspuij from Holland, after being released last week. And he is not the only one.
He was in the north to visit his Thai girlfriend. After a discussion with her, they kicked him out of the house and he stayed in Chiang Mai for a while. He forgot to extend his visa permission, police checked his papers and he got in jail. A small room, with 20 other prisoners, one "toilet" in the same room, no place to sleep, mosquitos, rats, shitty rice and dirty water as your only food, no fresh air, etc

If you don't have enough money left, no friends or relatives, it becomes very hard to ever get out of the shit. This guy was lucky, after 42 days he was released because his employer missed him, found him, did the necessary paperwork and paid his return ticket. He didn't get involved in the numerous fights and didn't have any ugly diseases.
Others are not so lucky and were in prison for 5 or up to 7 years, still waiting for a way to get out.

This article on Thaivisa.com describes a few more details about the fines, and the bad things that can happen to you, if your forget that little text with the date on your visa.

A prison in Europe or the US is like a five star hotel, compared to a Thai prison.
They like a lot of "joking joking haha" here but not if it concerns drugs, or immigration...;-)

Cheap flights for Thailand

When it comes to low-cost in Thailand you have a choice between:
Airasia

One-two-go

Nokair

Nokair has been suspending flights, now one-two-go is suspending flights for 3 months on a larger scale.
Everything should be back to normal within a few months, but how? Higher fuel costs will remain a problem, especially for these smaller companies. I'm afraid prices will inevitably go up, we have to live with it.

Anyway, I'm a frequent Airasia customer, and I have to say: the recruitment and selection policy is absolutely stunning!

It almost feels like sitting in a flying agogo, the only difference is that these sexy angels won't come and sit on your lap, rubbing their ass against your instruments, and suggesting naughty things with their tongue and a wink...;-)

Don't have a swimming pool in your hotel?

Most tourists who visit Pattaya know about the Mike shopping mall, but not everybody knows about the swimming pool on top of it.
It's a nice place however, and for a little entrance fee, you can go swimming and enjoy one of the best views over Pattaya.

Living in Heaven?

Life in Pattaya ain't bad, but it is far from living in heaven between beautiful angels.

If I knew in the past, what I know now, my decision would become more complicated.
I cannot give you any advise if you're planning to retire in Sodom and Gomorrah. Would it be a good decision these days, or not? Needless to say: this is very different for everyone.

First have a look at the headlines in Pattayadailynews.com. Mmmm, today we have: drug habits increasing, gun-happy motorbike gangs, kratoey pick-pocket, today's robbery victim, etc
No one stabbed and burned like that mister Martin Jochems last week or no spectacular accidents today. Not bad!

There are good things happening too of course!
But it is clear that some people such as this mister Wantanee Khamkongkaew are telling happy stories that are so exaggerated, in a way that it becomes a joke.

In this article he is writing about the incredible beaches in Pattaya (yes, there is a beach but not so very incredible: have a look at the picture in my blog a few days ago), living in Pattaya as living in Paradise, on a small budget (I would say around 50000 baht each month, that's not big but not really small either and a lot more than what you need in Udon Thani or Nong Kai), crime rates that are comparatively low (yes, L.A. is probably more dangerous but it is not THAT low), and blablabla

This article could have the title: "Joke of the day".

Nevertheless, Pattaya ain't so bad, but it ain't heaven, unless you remain in the Heaven's door bar in soi 7..:-)

The shortest way to Pattaya Memorial hospital

You go to the most beautiful restaurant in Pattaya with the best view near the beach and sea. While you sit there with the romantic candle light, together with your fantastic looking partner, you order some delicious oysters. Some champaign? Yes, of course! It's a great evening, no time to think about your budget now. You feel like superman and It's gonna be fun tonight: sex and drugs and rock'n'roll !!!

Just a few hours later, instead of dancing in Marine and having the greatest sex of your life (that's what you were hoping for), you'll be shitting your pants like never before, ending up in Memorial hospital, with a three inch needle in your butt. A great shot of antibiotics, another needle in your arm, and a few days of rest later you'll be almost like new again, looking a little bit pale maybe, but after your trip to hell anything feels fine... ;-)

It happened to me, and it happened to a lot of other people I know, since my time in Pattaya. Follow the rules: cook it, peel it, or boil it !
Now you guess my answer when a waitress asks me "Would you like to try some of our delicious seafood sir?"

PS There are a few places though, where it should be safe to eat shellfish, but after my unpleasant experiences, I leave the test to others...

Me wanna be sexy lady

Keep trying guys! Just a few more operations to go... :-)

Vamos a la playa in Pattaya? No thanks.

Pattaya has been growing too fast during the past decades, and so has pollution. There are some improvements now, but I've never been swimming here and I never will (you might come out green colored with blue bubbles...).

A better option is visiting one of the small islands near Pattaya (Ko Lan) or the far islands where the diving guys go (Ko Rin, Ko Man Wichai). You could rent a boat on the beach that will bring you there (not too expensive if you can share it and go for a day). Or just go diving ;-)

Miss universe 2008

It's quiet in Pattaya, and most of the news is a little bit too sad these days: Homicide here, suicide there and economic worries everywhere. This excellent article about the inflation on pattayaghost.com tells you all about this. True and interesting.

However, life is too short to complain about all the bad things, and when there's nothing to say that makes you happy, I just had a look at the miss universe candidates this year, in Vietnam (shit, we're at the wrong beach in Pattaya!). When even Mr Buffet loses 20% this year, I'd say, forget about your stocks and let's have a look at these nice candidates that make you forget about credit worries, oil prices, inflation, climate change, rising food prices, lack of clean water, etc

Very nice girl, miss Thailand, but I'd personally vote for miss Aruba or Venezuela (see photo)...

Everybody JUMP !!!

Pattaya is all about jumping, but not always in the most clever way.

Bungee jumping to start with, is very popular but when you're used to Western safety rules, you might reconsider your decision to make a jump when you see the rope. They claim it is 100% safe, but I don't know. They didn't see any crocodiles in the lake where you'll be jumping, ...now that's a relief!...:-)

Another popular activity is base jumping, as this old article shows with some nice pictures. But again, I'd personally prefer to decline the offer.

Suicide by jumping in Pattaya is very popular too. It is amazing how many articles you'll find about people jumping to their death.

I'll keep it with the most popular jumping sport in Pattaya: jumping in the bed, the risks for injuries are minimal...

Do you like Asian girls?

If you arrived on this page, you're probably curious about Pattaya, or you just came here by accident. And if you're curious about Pattaya, you're probably male and like Asian girls.
I've always been a Flickr fan to store my pictures, and even with all those hundreds of new similar sites to store and share your pictures, I still prefer Flickr. It's my number one, just like the bargirls in Pattaya always tell me I'm their number one too, as long as my sexy wallet is filled...

If you just wanna browse pictures, Flickr.com is nice too, here are some groups to start with:

Asian girl next door

Awesome asians/

Asian Beauty (China Korea Japan Philippines Thai Taiwan HK Sing)

Asian female beauty

Asian Girls: your original work only, no photos found on the web

Yes, I wanna boom boom all your friends!

I knew bargirls were good actors, but this one is too honest...:-)

A picture from Pattaya in 1975? Or not...

Is this how Pattaya looked like in the 1970's or something? Could be, but it is a very recent picture, and it is not Pattaya.

I was here earlier this year however, for the third time, as I wanted a real beach, a quiet and relaxing place, and some peace (yeah, believe me, Pattaya gets boring after a while: only sexy girls in noisy bars with indecent proposals, every day, again and again...).
Well, I hope this place will never become "New Pattaya", but when you walk around here and see all the new hotels growing like mushrooms, I fear it really might become a smaller, second Pattaya. There are just a few bars now, comparable to beer bars, but no gogo places, no Sabai rooms, no big supermarkets or McDonalds around every corner, just one small dancing, and in the center one bar that everyone seems to know in this beach town, called Freedom bar. It's a pity, there are better places then this Freedom bar. When I was there and wanted to take a picture with my girlfriend, I was not allowed to, because of some French arrogant guy threatened to throw my camera into pieces, behaving as if Cambodia would still be a French colony. For one second I wanted to do something very ugly, but my friend told me to stay calm, put the camera away, and shut up.
If he would have asked me in a polite way, I could understand, but not like this!
99% of the people in France are nice people I think, as I have met a few nice French too, but I happened to meet the most ridiculous, arrogant jerks here in this "freedom" bar, I guess. Later on, other french speaking jerks with the same bad attitude entered the bar. I left, and after a second try I'll never go back. Talking with some cambodian girls, I heard there were problems almost every night in this bar, drunk guys fighting for the most silly reasons.
Better go to Victory Hill where you have a few better options. Well, the good side of the story of a developing Sihanoukville is that probably bars like Freedom will disappear, when they get some new competition with friendly people.
Sihanoukville is a booming place. If you want to see it like it is on the picture, you better hurry.
I'm pretty sure the relaxing, unspoiled beaches will turn into mass tourism within the next 5 years. That's a shame, but there is no way back! With the better infrastructure and the new airport coming this is gonna be a very, busy place like Siem Reap already is (in fact, there is not a real airport now, as the only plane, a Tupolev, crashed into the mountains in 2007 and was not replaced). I was on the bus...;-)

I prefer Ochheutal beach now, pitch black at night when I was there, with only one small, nice bar called Dolphin. It's not even something you could call a bar, as the place consists only of some chairs on the beach and close to the sea, a tap and some music.
But it's nice! And hey, pssst... I must not say it, not my stuff, but if you wanna smoke something happy happy, it's available here...
On your own risk of course, as the law is just the same as in Thailand. You know what happens if they catch you: Monkey house!

Soi blowjob... sorry, I mean Soi Postoffice

This old picture tells us something about one of the first BJ bars in Soi Postoffice in Pattaya. Marilyn Monroe, Mona Lisa, etc Yes, there is (or has been) even culture and art in Pattaya!
These holes were not used to pass your letters though, and the bar doesn't exist anymore but the street is still well known.

If you want to have your letter posted these days, there are other places like Lolitas or any place in Soi 6...:-)