Virtual Beer Garden

You don't stay near Pattaya, and can't visit the newly opened Beer Garden?

Well, instead of wasting your time in real bars, you could waste it just as well in a virtual bar in the new game Grand Theft auto IV or just GTA IV, on Xbox360 or PS3.

I'm not what you could call a hardcore gamer, playing 1 or 2 games in a year is too little for that, but I guess this is the one I really want for this year.

For the rest of the time, I prefer having a real drink, but nevertheless, this looks nice...

Thai Logic

If you stay in the Land of Smiles for a long time, you know "Thai Logic". Well, actually you just know it, but you don't understand it.
Personally, I have given up completely.

Suppose you go to a hotel, where you order the same breakfast, day after day, a simple omelette and you order it to the same person, it is very well possible you might get omelette 5 days long, but on the 6th day at a moment when you suppose you don't even have to tell them anymore what you'd like, you get 2 boiled eggs. In that case, just smile, tell them YOU might have made a stupid mistake, and they will probably help you (...after telling them a few times with a big smile how stupid you are).

Not a big deal, but these things happen daily, and if you are just a tourist, all you get is the wrong breakfast. If you're thinking about building a house in Thailand however, be sure to have a window where you expected a door, warm water associated with blue taps, cold with red, etc...:-)
Are they stupid? NO. Are they doing all this on purpose? NO.
I think this is what Thai logic is about.

Something easy to understand however is who is right or wrong. An older Thai boss in a company is right, even when he is wrong. If you mix in a Farang, the Farang is always very wrong...

I had some Western girlfriends, and even with them, I've never seen the logic in their reactions.

To end the story, when I have a discussion with my Thai girlfriend (THAI + WOMAN = NO LOGIC AT ALL), all I do is:
1) Shut up
2) Take a beer
3) Stop thinking until it's over.
4) Keep smiling

This is, in my opinion, the best way to handle Thai logic...;-)


PS: Picture: Wanida Temthanaporn (Giftzy) : thai singer

Beer garden

If you've been to Thailand, you'll know this name: Beer Garden. Isn't that in Sukhumvit soi 7 in Bangkok?
Yep, that's right!
But if everything goes according to plan, there will be another beer garden opening in just a few days in Pattaya too.
And if success depends on a good location, nothing can go wrong...

Soi LK Metro

A lot of bars have been pushed away from the beach road to second road, or even third road.
The reason why is not so difficult; just have a look at the giant new shopping centres they are building on beach road, next to the tourist police station. Hotels and shopping can bring a lot more money than just a few little bars.
The open 6 bars or something that used to be next to the police office were great. I liked the relaxed atmosphere a lot more than the chaotic soi 7.
No problem. Mai pen rai. Streets like soi Diana Inn and Buakhao or the small connecting street between these 2, soi LK Metro, are all doing well, they have become a little bit more the new center of the action...:-)
In LK Metro you could sleep in Metro apartments with free Wi-fi, go to Storm bar (corner with soi Buakhao) which has nice rooms too, play pool in Blue moon or
...uhm... you could go to the dentist at Lolitas
Don't worry, they won't pull your teeth... :-)

Tequila boom boom

Do you wonder why some of the bargirls can drink Tequila all night long?
Some even walk around in the bar in a nice sexy costume, trying to sell 2 Tequilas at least (one for the willing customer, one for herself, ...'cause you can't drink alone).
Most of these tequilagirls can be found in the agogo bars.

The glasses will be brought to you on a plate, one of them positioned just in front of you.
You take the Tequila, take some lemon and salt, and the girl will count for the Taquila (they say tAquila, not tEquila) to drink it at once and together: one! toooo! teeee! There you go. And your wallet minus 300 baht or something.

After you finished your Tequila, and she finished her little glass of water, while telling you what a damn good tequila that was, she'll propose you a second one immediately.

I don't know if this is true, but since they told me they got you by the balls and drink water instead of Tequila, I try to take the glass on the opposite side...:-)
Maybe this might happen sometimes, but I believe they can't play this game all the time. Personally, I really think they drink the tequila. Maybe something in between, but the decision to use water or not, might actually depend on how drunk you are.
Maybe it is just a rumour.

You never know in Pattaya, but I've been watching veeeeery careful.

Lookout in Sin City

Possibly you go to Pattaya as a couple or a single woman, and you're a little bit scared to go into the bars where all those fat farangs and bargirls are hopping together, but on the other side, you are very curious to see what's going on, don't you?... :-)
Well, every visitor goes at least once to Walking Street, the most busy place in Pattaya. This is the place where you'll see papa and mama with little daughter or son, but also all the girls dressed up and ready for action, and all those fat, ugly sex tourists you heard about, with or without one of these girls.
This movie shows you beach road, that ends with "the pier", a bar complex with (fake) Thai boxing in the middle, just before Walking street, but you can see the walking steet neon lights that welcome you into one of the most fascinating streets in the world...:-)
Just in the beginning of "walking street", the first restaurant on the right side is the place where I took this picture. There is live music, and in the back you can have a nice view over the Pattaya bay area. However, my personal favorite seat is on the first floor, street side.
Especially if it is your first time in Pattaya, you'll enjoy this place, as it is great fun to see all those people walking by, while having dinner.

Maybe it is a little bit more expensive, but it's well worth the price, as you'll get one of the best lookouts in Disneyland for adults!

The final battle

The final battle is over now. We struggled to survive. We surrender now.
Some people love it, some people hate it.

One thing is for sure however, Pattaya must be running out of water supplies by now... :-)

Songkran, soi 8

One week of madness:

Heads or tails? Or Monkey House?

Flipping a coin in the air, catching it, then determining whether it has come up heads or tails is a common way to start off a game or settle a question.

I did once during my first trips in Thailand and got some angry reactions: "no no nooooo please!".
So I promised I will never ever do that again.

Now I know it is a plain stupid idea to do this in Thailand!!!

Symbolic values are important in Thailand, most Thai are superstitious, the King has a divine status and must never be insulted, ...and the king is pictured on the coin.

Every tourist in Thailand will be told not to insult the King, so as a tourist you could decide to shut up about the King completely. Good. But not good enough, as you would not think about it this way, would you?

In fact, I was flipping the king in the air. I tried to argue and telling them a coin is just a coin, but it didn't help...

So if you try to catch a coin that you see rolling over the ground, just let it go, don't step on it with your feet to stop it. Don't spit or bite on a bank note with the Thai king, and always stand up when you go to the movies (yes, you have to salute the king before every movie), ...

But if you want to find the shortest way to a Thai jail (they call it monkey house, or better: monkey houe, they cannot pronounce the s at the end), pointing your middle finger to a picture of the Thai king will get you there in no time... :-)

Do you see what I see?

Now this is soi 6. Sometimes it is hard to see, but I guess you'll see what I mean?...:-)

Small girls, Big Bikes, Big scars

Looks like everybody has a motorbike in Pattaya, a small one at least.

If you see a girl and ask her: "What happened?", pointing at one or more of her scars, the answer will be in most cases the same: "Me motorbike, me accident. Boom. Ha ha".
They will always tell you the story with a "don't worry, it's okay"-smile... :-)

If you want to see the smallest girls on the biggest bikes, Pattaya is the place to be. A 90 pounds girl on a Harley? Yep, no problem in Pattaya!
When the Harley falls on its side, the game is over of course, she never gets it up (they get a lot of things up, but not this...;-))

And since I had one ugly accident, while sitting on the backseat with one of those girls, I prefer the Bahtbus (or a good healthy walk...)

sa-wat-di pi mai !!!

Just a nice picture, I thought.
Not only people are throwing water... :-)

Songkran preparations...

For those who don't know Songkran, follow this link on Wikipedia, but it is FUN, BIG and WET. Or, at least big and wet, for older people it is not always fun.

I bought myself a nice "Songkran-resistant" bag on the first floor of Big C in the sports shop...
A little bit expensive maybe, but I used it for the right activities too (Kayak).

With this one, you can go swimming in the streets of Pattaya, while your wallet and digital camera are safe...:-)

However, the best way to get through Songkran is to wear almost nothing:
It's like being pushed into the swimming pool...:-)

Soi 6

Soi 6, Street 6, Soi Yodsak. A special street, and like this one, there is really only one.
The main difference is that all the bars in soi 6 are 'closed' bars, and not open bars like almost all the others.
In fact, most are shorttime bars: King Kong, Roxy, Superstar, Kiss,... and many others.

Here you'll find the guys who are married but don't have the time to stay away all night, or tourists who can't hold it until most regular bars in other areas are open.

'Quick service' really means quick, as everything happens in the bar, though some have rooms upstairs for those who prefer some privacy.
You get in, and get out, just as quick as entering and leaving a shop to buy a newspaper.

New in soi 6 is Pook bar, but watch out again, because there are only ladyboys here, and they look so good, that mamasan has almost daily complaints about the "lady" not being a lady...:-)

It's unbelievable how many guys start chatting with a girl, and simply don't see they are dealing with a man.
Sometimes it's really hard to see the difference, but once you see 2 or 3 others that are clearly men, shouldn't one get a little bit suspicious?
Well, no, because bad eyes and lots of beer can do the rest.

Take a seat at super star outside, and watch the daily show going on... :-)

Webcams gone?

A few years ago there were several webcams in Pattaya; soi 7, beachroad, etc...
It looks like they all disappeared, and I don't know the real reason.
Somebody didn't pay the bill? Or they didn't want to be seen?

But, if you want to have a look in Pattaya, there is still noi's bar:



http://noisbar.camstreams.com

These boots are made for walking...

...and dancing in the Worldwide A gogo on beach road, between soi 7 and 8.
I took this picture on the second floor.
Dancing can be hard work. If you invite a girl for a lady drink, many of them will complain about that, staring at you with an exaggerated sad look: "me tired", "me dance too much",....

So she proposed me to go upstairs, and take her boots off.
Yeah, my legs hurt too now...

Do you want sec?

Newbies may not always understand a Thai, even if the question is: "Do you want SEC?"

Yes that's right: Sec or Sek, not Sex.
Something strange about Thai is they have a problem to pronounce X at the end of a word.
Rolex, Sex, Durex, Relax becomes Rolec, Sec, Durec, Relac.

Funny thing is they can pronounce it very well however, when X is not the last character, they can't say 'Sex' but 'Sexy' is not a problem.
That's the workaround for them too.
Ever noticed all the guys in the IT shop on the upper floors?

They all whisper: Hey man! Do you want sexy movie?

Now, if you happen to meet a Thai girl like this model in the picture I added, and if she says: "I WANT SEC", and you really don't understand I suggest you call me.
I can help you out and take it over from there.

Time for a soapy!!!

A body massage is something every man should experience at least once in a lifetime.
Words cannot describe a soapy, so I'm not gonna try. Ingredients are a nice Thai lady like this one who treated me very well, lots of soap, a big hot bathtub in a nicely decorated relaxation room, sponges, oil, and some other unusual attributes for a massage.
Sliding sideways, under and over you in every possible position, you'll be brought to some higher level in this world.

I usually don't look any further then the 3 Sabai-ish massages on second road, near soi 3 and Big C.
A nice list can be found here and a map to find these nice places here.

Oh yes, you can enter Sabai Room, drink a coffee, and leave. That's what I tell myself I'm gonna do before entering every time. Unfortunately, I never succeed...:-)

Ghost of Pattaya

Joking about ghosts can be a bad idea in Thailand, as there is a good chance they will take it for real and believe all the crap you'd be telling. Little spirit houses are a business on its own in Thailand, and a lot of people are superstitious.
Maybe some stuff has become nothing more but a tradition, like baptism has become a tradition for a lot of Christians, but nobody cares about the real meaning anymore. Well, maybe yes, maybe not. I don't know.

But one thing I know for sure: there IS a ghost in Pattaya. Everybody who stayed here for a while has probably seen her walking around near the beach road, somewhere between soi 7 and walking street.
There are a lot of stories about her, and I don't know which one is true. Some say she has been a sexy bargirl in a previous life, some say she had been married to a rich farang but started drinking after he left, others might tell you she has AIDS,...
She's behaving a little bit strange at least, so maybe it is a result of yaba, and nothing else?
Don't worry if you see her coming your way on your next trip to Pattaya however.
All the girls know her very well and will keep an eye on her, and you... :-)