Living in Pattaya

Scams in Pattaya

2008-11-18T05:05:00.000-08:00

In a sin city like Pattaya, it is almost impossible not to be the victim of one or another scam.
Just go to google and try a search for "scams pattaya". WOW! You get an amazing list of all possible dirty scams.

After you have been cheated a few times (just like me or anybody else who stays here for a longer time), you could be pissed and say: "I NEVER EVER give money again to a deaf or crippled person". Because... sometimes you see that same deaf-mute guy another day in another place, talking and discussing with others, just like any other normal person.

But such a reaction would be sad for those poor people that really need help like this man in the picture.
By the way, Thai in general, are very honest. But this is Pattaya where all the scum has been brought together, so use your common sense... :-)

Bars closed for 3 days, thai way

2008-11-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

Bars are really closed today, in last respects to Princess Galyani.

Well, an excellent time to get sober again for the real alcoholics among us, I guess (and in Pattaya there is no lack of people with a small alcoholic problem...).
Though, tomorrow you'll be able to drink again in a similar way you can still smoke (it is forbidden, unless you can hide all evidence fast enough before the police arrives...;-))

How long does a girl work in Pattaya?

2008-11-15T10:06:00.000-08:00

Just listen to her:

1) Mamasan talks to you, girl doesn't say anything = less than 1 week
2) "Hello" and "thank you" = 2 weeks
3) Me Kung... What name you? = 1 month
4) "Hello Handsome man!", "Me go with you", "You married?", "how old you?", "How long you stay?" = 3 months
5) She orders wine or cappuccino? = too long!

Well, something like that...

Thai, and Thai whiskey

2008-11-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

Thai don't like to stay at home and they certainly don't like to be alone. They visit family, go to a restaurant, or play cards.
And sometimes they drink a little bit too much of Thai whiskey, like the Mekong, Sang Thip or Sang Som.

This guy looks like he has been drinking all of it, and his friend is helping him to look and smile at the camera...:-)

Having not so secret fun in Secrets

2008-11-11T09:05:00.000-08:00

Don't know how they do it, but in Secrets they always have some nice, little movies.
Maybe not the best bar in town (though not so bad either, Halloween was nice there...), but they know the importance of youtube these days.

Click here

Loi Krathong

2008-11-10T05:51:00.000-08:00

Almost time for one of the most beautiful days in Thailand.
Chiang Mai may be more the place to be, but Loi Krathong will be in fact everywhere on wednesday, nov 12

Here is some CHANGE

2008-11-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Club Blu has been sold recently. If Obama can deliver the same amount of "change", as bars change in Pattaya, he can keep his promise.
Lucky as we are, the sexy shooters girls remain the same...

Crazy taxi from Bangkok to Pattaya

2008-11-03T04:23:00.000-08:00

Finding a taxi in Suvarnabhumi to Pattaya (or any other place) is very easy. Even better, a taxi will find you.
And if this is your first visit to Thailand, you might learn too late that this taxi was not really a taxi.

There are always a lot of guys in the arrival hall, asking you if you want a taxi, and if you agree, they will guide you to the parking opposite the street, where your "taxi" is waiting. No problem. You will probably get a good price, and arrive on your destination. Well, if you don't have an accident with your possibly crazy kamikaze driver, as these guys will often use a private car and drive as fast as possible in order to pick up the next "customer".

Funny part of the story is that the government promised to clean up quickly this false competition to the real taxi-stand about 2 years ago, but when you walk out of Suvarnabhumi these days, you will still see those people looking for customers, the police sitting in the office (drinking coffee, only paying attention to the security cams when they see a sexy butt on the screen), etc

If you are lucky, you will even see some cowboy at the other side of the street (just opposite the real taxi) with a big sign "PATTAYA", yelling: "taxiiiiiiii..... pattayaaaaaa....", only 1200 bath.
The security guys will hardly pay any attention...:-)

Halloween in Pattaya

2008-11-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

Witches can be so sexy! Yeah, I know, Halloween is in fact nothing more than commercial crap from the U.S. but it is something I like in Pattaya. It's just great fun here!!!
I don't know about you, but I prefer to share the room with a witch instead of returning to that same room completely soaking wet during the Song kran days...

Coconut ladies

2008-10-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

Frequent Pattaya visitors know who the coconut ladies are. It is a different name for the freelancers you can find on beach road, especially in the late afternoon/early evening. Don't know who came up with this name, but Coconut lady sounds better than beachroad freelancer...:-)

A lot of stories have been told about these coconut ladies, sometimes not so positive, but many of the girls here just want to be free, not working for a bar or agogo.

There are a lot more of them these days, but maybe it is just a wrong idea I get, because more girls cannot find somebody and hang around for a longer period. The financial crisis even hits the Pattaya beach road...

No alcohol ban, but should we be happy?

2008-10-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

First the smoking ban, now the alcohol ban. Okay, let's be honest, the smoking ban is a joke; most bars don't provide ashtrays but empty bottles. Even in agogos you can smoke, as long as you use the empty redbull bottles as an ashtray and as long there is no police, officially...

OK, relief! The alcohol ban during religious holidays has been scrapped, the reason is obvious. Tourism has been hurt already enough, but I'm worried a little bit about the fact that more than 80% was PRO ban. Some day, this alcohol ban will be back.

I'm still positive about life in Thailand, but don't they understand?
Every new stupid rule like this -almost- non alcohol ban, might move some tourists from Thailand to other countries like Cambodia where individual freedom is still untouched.

Thailand supports the poor Cambodians, now that's lovely...:-)

Money Made in Pattaya

2008-10-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

Life of a bargirl is not always so bad. It's a lot more easy than the hard work on a rice field for a few baht.
All the ethical thoughts and negative aspects put aside, it is one of the most easy ways to make quick money.
An ugly beer bar girl can make as little as 2000 baht/a month if she doesn't want to go with any guy, and return to the shared room each night, provided by the bar. But all she has to do however is sit in the bar, serve some drinks, play some games like "connect 4", and use the tip box to buy food.
As a girl working in an agogo bar, you get at least 6000 to 8000 baht, but most girls can easily earn 50000 baht or more, just have some lady drinks and catch a few more ping pong balls. If you have the right looks, and find some sponsors, you can make 200000 baht or more.
Bad day? Just sleep a bit longer, instead of going to the movies in Big C with your friends.

So, why not buy that Iphone or Nokia N95? One week "sing a song" and you're ready.
There is no way back to the rice fields anymore...

What happened to Sabailand?

2008-10-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

When you walk around in Pattaya these days, you'd think they expect a lot of new tourists. New shopping mall here, new hotel there, ...
Most of these projects started more then a year ago of course, when there was no financial crisis yet. Only a complete idiot would build another new hotel now, if you ask me.

In Europe or the US it would probably never be possible (or at least, not THIS way), but here you can build a new hotel B, just in front of another hotel A. Bye bye seaview for hotel A... :-)

Sometimes I need (yeah, I really need) a body massage, and in this case it is easy to go to Sabai Room on second road near Big C. Don't like any girl? Okay, you just have to cross the road to Sabailand to drink another coffee and have a look at another few dozens of beauties in silk. Still not the one you like? Just a few steps further and there is Sabai Dee.
In 70% of the cases however, I got so horny in Sabairoom that I didn't reach Sabailand anymore. Needless to say, the chance I got into Sabai Dee was almost non existent.

Now they are building a new hotel in front of the old Sabailand. Shit! I don't mind where they put new hotels, but not in front of a nice body massage! I always liked the way that the door to the 7/11 market was just next to the door to Sabai Room. A little mistake and instead of getting a new toothbrush, and you were in front of the fish bowl.

This won't happen anymore...
Sabailand is now around the corner, still close to Sabai Dee but on the other side in soi 2.

Ah, not so bad. I got a real nice soapy with Sabai Dee number 126, a dark beauty, the place where I would probably never look without that hotel in front of Sabailand.
When I came out of the room I thought number 140 looked even better, dark skin too (yes I like it dark).
I'll have to go back now...

High season is a low season, no reservations needed

2008-10-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

If you plan to go to Pattaya now, it might be better not to make a hotel reservation.

Hotels that used to be completely full by now, even like the popular Flipperhouse in Soi 7 for example, now have plenty of rooms available. They will give you a reduced price immediately, you don't even have to negotiate for it (reduced = 30% to 50% lower then prices indicated on their website). Previous years, you could forget it to come to Pattaya, just walk into Flipper in october and still find a room.

Maybe it will change in november or december, so don't blame me if you can't find a room then (however it seems unlikely to be a "normal high" season with the political troubles and financial crisis).

But for now, don't book, just go and see.

What's up?

2008-10-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

Soi 15 (walking street, left side, coming from beach road) is currently one of the best streets in Pattaya if you want some agogo entertainment.

Angelwitch:
I did a little tour yesterday and as it was just before 10 p.m. the best place to start here is Angelwitch, the shows start at 10. It might become a little bit boring after a while (I hate that same, little repetitive sound between 2 "performances"), but the witches look still great, gliding down from the poles (something you can try as well, if you don't feel too drunk yet). Mamasan, an older Thai lady is a real business woman, walking around to keep an eye on every detail, chatting with the customers, especially the biggest money spenders, and trying to make them spend even more. She might promise you to be the first volunteer to be the "victim" of the girls during their little show, something that happens about 3 times every evening. In Angelwitch this is fun, not like that show in Polo Entertainment where they just try to get your thing as hard as possible, and you will always end with your pants down, in front of the public.

After that, time for Whats up agogo. I really like the new style in whats-up-agogo and they should refresh their website as it looks a lot better in real...:-)
Some new fresh girls were doing their acrobatic exercises on the ceiling: if you don't mind some tarzan-girls are flying around your neck while you're drinking your 110 baht Singha, have a seat on the left side. Some like it, some hate it.
Very nice place for a short time, but drinks are a little bit expensive, and the barfines and the girls are only for those who really don't care about the price.

I ended in Beach club, and... beach club is still beach club. They might have lost some of the best girls (replaced by very young ones) but I still like the concept with the girls dancing on your table in flashy uniform à la Peppermint.
And a barfine of 600 and a 2000 LT was okay for me, but after that the tour ended prematurely, as it was my intention to pay a little visit to Happy agogo after that...

Shit happens, but it happens first of all in Pattaya

2008-10-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

This is an old picture, but I couldn't leave it to post it once again on this blog.
Some guy was very happy staying with a bargirl in Pattaya, and he really believed her when she said she would only love him and miss him so much and blabla... Back home, he posted a picture on a forum, to discover a little bit later someone else posted a picture too, more recent than his one, not only of the same girl, but even the same hotel room!

Fuck and forget

2008-10-07T04:22:00.000-07:00

No Farang No Job

2008-10-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

There are 2 things about this guy:
1) he is honest
2) he understands the real problems in Thailand, some politicians don't these days...

Fashion Pattaya style

2008-10-01T05:48:00.000-07:00

You have to show what you got. This is actually "functional" clothing.

The importance of good communication for a bargirl

2008-09-29T03:02:00.000-07:00

One for mama
One for the sponsor, working in Europe
One for the farang on holiday
and the last one for the real (Thai) boyfriend

Yes, it is important to keep things separated sometimes...

Riding the banana in Pattaya

2008-09-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

If you arrived on this page by searching Google for the keywords "riding banana pattaya", I'm very sorry it is not what you were looking for, but this picture really is Pattaya...:-)
Thai bargirls don't like riding big bananas like this one (because a lot of them can't swim...)

Big boots

2008-09-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how these small girls - standing in front of the bars to lure customers inside - are able to walk with these boots?
Anyway, I like those big boots...:-)

Ping pong balls

2008-09-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

In almost every Agogo bar you can buy those ping pong balls. For those who don't know:
you throw these balls in the middle of the stage to and all the girls will try to grab one and earn some extra baht.
Some like it, some hate it.

Krating Daeng or Red bull

2008-09-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

It was a Thai invention originally, and these days you can still find it anywhere.
Good chances are there is a can in the mini-bar of your hotel. The name "Krating Daeng" is on the T-shirts with the Red Bull logo, but they pronounce it in another way, and it is written in Thai, in fact, it is the only Thai I can read...:-)

They have many different names now, just ask for "Lippo" when you're in a bar.

Messages in Pattaya are not that complicated

2008-09-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

Having dinner at 3 in the morning

2008-09-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Thai eat all day long, even in middle of the night. But instead of Westerners they eat small portions.
If you stay with a Thai girl don't be surprised if she disappears in the middle of the night, telling you "me hungry". And if you want to try some Thai streetfood, you can do this 24 hours a day...

10 commandments of a bargirl

2008-09-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

Don't know who invented this, but sometimes it is pretty close to reality:

1. Late week, specifically Friday and Saturday, many locally employed walking ATM machines will come to your bar. Choose carefully! Some have money, but others do not! If he is wearing a suit and tie, check that the tie is not a Pratunam special and check that he isn't wearing tennis shoes.
If either of these are in the affirmative, forget him because he is likely an English teacher, and they will give you peanuts _ that is if they give you anything at all.

2. No matter how fat and ugly he is, no matter how bad he may smell, no matter how drunk he is, make sure you always tell him how handsome he is. Sit close to him and run your hands over his body, arousing him.

As soon as he has paid the bar fine, you can stand clear of him. Even if he knows that you despise his ugly butt, he'll still pay you. The hard part is getting him to pay the bar, and as soon as you have done that, the rest is easy.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your customers. And once you have a good collection of addresses, a visit to your local Internet cafe is in order. All of those email addressees should be sent an email. Simply change the name on each email and send it off to all of the guys. If you can remember something specific about them, mention that in the email too.

These walking ATMs all have a soft heart, so you need to tell them a story to get them to send you some of their riches. Start with a sick buffalo and if he doesn't reply, next tell him that your mother is sick. As a last resort, if he still doesn't send any money, tell him you are pregnant and the baby is his!

4. Practice crying on cue. It is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect of helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for an extended period of time, make sure he takes you shopping, with rarn tong (gold shop) the best place to visit. Make sure he buys you gold and if he doesn't, see rule 4! As soon as he has left Thailand, take the gold back to the shop and sell it straight back to them, thus increasing your pay out.

6. When locally based farangs are inside the bars, do not speak in Thai with your friends in the bar but rather use Lao, Khmer or any other dialects that you may know.

It's bad enough that some of them can speak and even read Thai, but Lao and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. Thai currency cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover baht as he leaves and says goodbye.

While accompanying him to the airport, prevent him buying going-away gifts for his family and friends in his homeland. Which leaves more for you.

8. See Asian customers. They understand that we like to gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs.

9. Remember, when you get paid, you must always ask for taxi money and give him the excuse that taxi drivers cannot give change on big notes. Don't let him see the small change in your wallet. If taxi money isn't forthcoming, see rule 4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. Give Phuket a few years, then move on to Pattaya. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem as the walking ATM machines seem to be blind in Pattaya.

Political problems? it's only for joking...

2008-09-06T23:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe you could ask: should I go to the Land of Smile or not, with all those problems in Bangkok?
Well, yes, of course you should!
In Pattaya everything goes on as usual, and I usually don't talk about political problems but when asking a bargirl about her opinion she simply answered: "Only for joking. you want one more Singha?"

Karaoke

2008-09-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Karaoke is not that very popular in Pattaya, but there are a few places however like SBI Superstar.
But Pattaya wouldn't be Pattaya, if some girls are not only there to help you sing...

By the way, "sing a song" sometimes has a very different meaning here...:-)

Happy birthday, Secrets

2008-09-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today the Secrets bar celebrates 2 years, you can find this bar in soi 14.

Gone fishing

2008-08-31T12:59:00.001-07:00

Fishing! Nothing more relaxing in this world, and a perfect cure for the "information overdose disease", we all suffer. You'll find plenty of possibilities to get on a boat for a fishing trip here.
You could try Google for "fishing pattaya" and there you are, or you could just ask some farang in a bar about it. Good chance there is a guy who can tell you all about it (I would say it seems especially popular with farang from Ireland).
Throw away that blackberry, iphone or laptop, stop reading this, and get on a boat!

Where to go when all the other bars are closed?

2008-08-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

You could go to Tony's or Lucifer for a late drink, but these dancings are places I personally don't like that much.

Papagayo bar/gogo (soi Diana Inn, near second road) is one of the better places to have a late night drink, until 5 a.m. if you are lucky there are enough customers.

youtube movie here, and link there

Buy that teddy bear for your tilac

2008-08-26T09:37:00.001-07:00

It may seem silly for you, but many Thai girls are crazy about it. They love those teddy bears, and you'll have enough choice in Pattaya to buy one, just sit in a bar in soi 7 or 8, and wait. So if you want to make your tilac happy, buying one of those sweeties might be a good start. It will be appreciated much more than anything else.

Does it have to be a big one? Oh yes, they like it big...;-)

How to tell your family you're going to Pattaya?

2008-08-24T01:26:00.000-07:00

Many young guys ask me this funny question when back home:
'Shit man! I'm going to Thailand but how do I explain this? Everybody knows about the prostitution down there!'
In my case, I don't have to deny anything, I'm not doing any harm, and most of all, I don't care. But I had these same questions too, when I came to Thailand the first time. I never found the answer though, only the questions vanished.

The most negative reactions come from those who've never been here, or people who don't realize they are prostitutes too: working for a company and a boss they don't like, because they need the money, not selling their body, but selling their mind. That's even worse, but it is an opinion nobody will accept, and to be honest, it doesn't justify anything either.

The answer can be different for anyone, I tend to say: "There is nothing to explain".
But just let me try.

With moms it's easy, they will always deny the picture of their son, completely drunk in a red light zone, having fun with half naked bargirls grabbing his dick. Just tell her about the elephants and temples you've seen. And make sure you really did see at least one elephant or temple.
Take as many pictures as you can to make it look like you've been visiting temples all day long (the Royal Palace in Bangkok is a good place, but there is one near Pattaya too). If she would start asking about bargirls, you just say: "What? Bargirls?"...

It's more difficult to explain your trip to your colleagues. They will confront you immediately with the picture of you, drunk, with the naked bargirls. But they don't know anything. You could try with the elephants and the temple pictures, but it won't help. So, why not just answer:
"I go to Pattaya for the booze and the sex. And I like it. Any other questions?"

X-Zone

2008-08-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

One of the better agogo places recently is X-Zone.
Wanna try something nice and different?
Then you should definitely try the ST room in the back. You will know what I mean, when you are there... :-)

Ice Bar, if you need to cool down...

2008-08-18T02:58:00.000-07:00

If you are trying to get drunk in no time, the Ice bar could be something for you. Specials like "Vodka, all you can drink in 20 minutes" for 500 baht, might be a good medicine if you just had some troubles with your tilac, the cold will cool your anger...;-)

pattaya pattayaaaaaaaaaa

2008-08-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

Lou Depryck is a nice French speaking Belgian musician/producer who decided to retire in Pattaya and still enjoys life to the max. He got here after an accident in Brazil where he fell from his balcony.

Maybe you've been talking with him lately, without knowing, as he speaks English pretty good.
His Hollywood Bananas date from the 70s when he had a few little hits, and as a producer when he had written this well known Plastic Bertrand - Ca plane pour moit song, covered in many different ways.
He also got a great success with Two man sound, just have a look at this old, but exotic movie.

If you retire you have to stay active he must have thought, and he did. You might have heard that FLB bar Pattaya Pattayaaaa song, but you don't know the origin?

PS Lou is bluffing he is still very active with his other banana these days, and I believe it's true... ;-)

The new Walking Street sign...

2008-08-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

This is the real Thai way to handle things...;-)

The old sign in Walking street had some problems. Instead of arranging a quick reparation, or let it be until a new sign would be ready, they took it away.
Probably the plan was to replace it quickly with a new one. But it didn't come. After a few months still nothing.
Some said they had some budget problems, others blamed it on the new elections.

Anyway, they started working again, installed something half completed, and... stop working again.

Finally, the sign was ready last week. And out of order the day after...:-)

Do you miss your family?

2008-08-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

The rather new (second) Family Bar is definitely worth a try (Soi 8, near Eastiny Hotel).

Before you quit, the second half of this video is the best...;-)

Soi 2, Pattaya North

2008-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

One of the better bars in soi 2 in my opinion is Honey Pot, from the same owners as the Classroom agogo

You can't miss the Honey Pot, coming from second road it is on the right side, after the Classroom. And as you can see in this little movie, it looks a little bit like a fish bowl.
There are some nice fish recently...

Advertising, Pattaya style

2008-08-09T13:55:00.001-07:00

Pattaya, the city where the word "shame" doesn't exist.

2008-08-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

This is how a laboratory generally looks like in Pattaya. The important things here are in big capitals: the availability of Viagra, HIV tests, ... (the only thing I'm missing in this picture are ANABOLIC STEROIDS and BOTOX, because those are pretty popular too).

There is an advantage when you visit a doctor in Pattaya. You don't have to be ashamed to tell the doctor there is something wrong with your...willy. He or she knows.

In other places the doctor his first question might be: "What did you eat yesterday?". After a few other harmless questions they might ask you carefully about your sexual encounters and possible risks. Ooops! Do I really have to tell the details about what happened?

But in Pattaya, questions will come in the opposite order and a little bit more direct.

Well, in fact, the Pattaya doctor won't even ask you this type of question, because he will suppose you DID have anal sex with a ladyboy last night, and a soapy with some condomless oral actions the day before. The Listerine probably didn't help.
The first words might be: "okay, take off your pants, sir"...

What a relief, isn't it? You don't even have to tell him the whole story with that ladyboy...:-)

Buddha

2008-08-06T04:24:00.000-07:00

A long time ago during one of my first visits to Pattaya, I was with a girl who -all of a sudden- just ran away.
She was shouting ugly things at me in Thai, and I didn't understand anything of it. Not the language, and not the reason!

Only later, when I was reading and learning about Buddha, I understood why. I did some of the most stupid, ugly things you can do, and remembered the moment when she got angry. I pointed at something on her dress, with my feet.
She was so angry, I didn't even have the time to ask for an explanation.

Since I knew why, I've been reading several books about Bhuddism, trying to understand as good as possible all those things.

Even if you stay only in a short time here, or anywhere in SE Asia, it's a good thing to learn about the dos and donts in Thailand, a lot of this has to do with buddhism.

Before you can understand the Thai, you have to know a bit about stuff like The Four Noble Truths or The Noble Eightfold Path

Don't wanna know about it? Then, at least respect it.

I see a lot of people making the same stupid mistakes as the one I did.

Some statistics

2008-08-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

When arriving in Thailand you have to fill in the immigration form. The information on these form are used by the TAT, Tourism Authority of Thailand.

Wanna know how many Russians, Germans or Japanese have visited Thailand last year?
Check it out here

2008 is not yet in the statistics, but Pattaya is soooo quiet these days (which is normal in August but not like this) that I am a little bit curious to see these statistics next year, and how higher prices will influence the number of visitors.

Decent food for less than 100 baht

2008-08-02T04:18:00.000-07:00

I don't like T-bone. Not in Thailand at least; it is worthless (unless you pay double for something imported, and by the way, Thai will tell you: buffalo work rice field, not for eat... okay, that explains a lot). There are some good places in town, like Cafe New Orleans or Patrick's Restaurant if you don't mind paying a Western price.

I drink wine occasionally; Thai are real barbarians when it comes to wine (they might serve you a glass of wine like a coke: with ice cubes and a straw!), unless you stay in the North near Laos, Nong Kai, where some old colonial French influences crossed the border. A baguette and a glass of wine is all I need when I stay there.
If you wanna get a Thai drunk, it's easy: they might drink Thai whisky like water, but give them a glass of wine and in many cases it works like magic...:-)

I avoid the clamshell stuff, and I will avoid the raw salads in most places too if I suspect some dirty water might be used, because there is one good rule I follow: Cook it, peel it or boil it. Pattaya is pretty safe, but after countless hours on the toilet, I'm careful...

Maybe McDonalds or KFC might be safe, yes, but... I'm not a fast food lover. Pizza in Pattaya? The last place to go is Pizza hut: Thai girls look nice in a Pizza Hut costume, but that's about the only positive thing I can say: the pizza is not the same as you might expect in a US or European Pizza Hut. Better go somewhere else.

In general, I avoid all the western stuff, for 2 simple reasons:
1) they don't know about western food!
2) Thai food is excellent

So, what is left?
Well, you could find me in Tops (corner second/central road) or Carrefour supermarket (near third road). For less than 100 baht you can join a buffet. only Thai food of course. Clean, quick and delicious. Want it really spicy? Then eat with the Thai near the small market, somewhere in between these 2 names I mentioned.

For non-Thai however, I might visit the Hippo/Welcome Inn in soi 2 or the French restaurant Chez Bernard sometimes in soi 3 (they both have good wines too, and they also treat it the way it should be: in a cool environment).
Near walking street I like the new Pattaya Beer Garden, or maybe the Kiss place on second road (opposite Mike).
When in soi 7 I prefer the norwegian Olala restaurant. Not only the food is great, it's a nice lookout too... ;-)

Yep, I know this is a very personal opinion on food.

Do you like it rough?

2008-07-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

You can find anything in Pattaya: beer bars, BJ bars, gogobars and mmm... fetish bars?
No, not really. Thai girls are too sweet for this but... you could try the castle on third road, just have a look at the site.

Maybe something for you?

Don't use your credit card in Pattaya

2008-07-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

"copy copy no pompem!"
Yeah, you know it: almost anything you buy in Pattaya (or let's say in half SE Asia) is a copy: Nike, Adidas, Rolex, all the software you can imagine, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Tommy Hilfiger, etc

Some places sell "real" stuff, like Royal Garden Plaza, Mike shopping or Big C but what is real in a country where nobody understands the difference between fake and real?
The only advantage is that you can get a buying ticket to satisfy the sad looking customs officer, on arrival in your home country, because I think a lot this "real" stuff is just as fake as all the rest. Only the shop is official.

Copying is a second nature...

So, you can pay your fake copies with your credit card, and while you do so... they scan and copy your credit card. Hah! The bastards! :-)

After a few months somebody might call you - if you are lucky they noticed the fraud - to ask you about your location, and tell you an "unusual amount" has been withdrawn from your account last night, at the other side of the world.
No problem, VISA knows about this very well, has a large budget and team for it, and will make sure you don't have to pay anything. They don't want any negative publicity of course.

My advice: DON'T USE YOUR VISA OR MASTER CARD WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO. It should be safe with the ATM's, but in a hotel, restaurant or while enjoying a good soapy, just pay cash. If you don't have enough cash while you just saw that unexpected sexy massage girl (if you are like me, you didn't get in for a massage, but only for a coffee of course), you should wait a little bit to have her number called through the speakers... Better go get the cash outside in the ATM and go back. Even if you trust the place - and most of the time you can - it will also save you 3% or more.

But if you don't play it safe: Sooner or later, they got you by the balls.

In Pattaya they got you by the balls all the time, but you don't want it to happen this way... ;-)

http://www.amuzingthaicartoons.com/

2008-07-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

Are you a cheap charlie in Pattaya?

2008-07-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

You don't want to be called a cheap charlie, but that's exactly what some experienced bargirls will tell you, if you're always looking for the cheapest deal. In Pattaya this means: cheap beer, cheap food and cheap sex.

For the beer and the food, it's pretty simple: follow the balloons! Every day you can find a bar that celebrates "x years opening" or some happy birthday, and there will always be some balloons. You can join the BBQ or the extra long happy hour.

IF you wanna be a cheap charlie, most bargirls prefer horny charlie...;-)
Maybe not worth to look for, as you can eat pretty cheap and good in Pattaya, if you eat Thai, and not the Schweinebraten mit Kartoffeln, Spaghetti, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC, or Sizzler.

The cheap sex? Just have a walk along beach road, dancings like Marine by closing time, or get a little bit out of Pattaya to discover some different, more Thai oriented bars (wear a white shirt too, it might help...)

Thailand fever

2008-07-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

Before you start a relationship in Thailand, this book Thailand fever should be on your shopping list. It is different from the private dancer by Stephen leather, which is focused on nightlife and a guy who falls in love with a bargirl.

This book has nothing to do with nightlife, but gives you an idea about the cultural differences. A lot of basic stuff maybe, but a must for someone new to Thailand.

My second job: translating SMS

2008-07-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

Some bargirls know me for a long time, and they also know they can trust me when they have a little translation problem.
Communication is very simple between a bargirl and her sponsor (=not so clever farang paying every month a certain amount, hoping his lovely sweetheart will stay out of the bar thanks to this financial support), but even though it is simple, it is very important not to make any mistakes that could end the sponsorship!

After some healthy exercise in the room with - let's call her Kung - the poor, little girl got a message from her sponsor with some difficult words. While lying naked on the bed with her, she showed me the little message:
"Hello my sunshine! How are you?"
After explaining her the difficult word "sunshine", I typed a standard, sweet reply to mister farang from Canada.
"Hello darling, me OK. Miss u so much!"
She told me to continue the "sms chat" while she was going for abnam (=shower).
His next sms was easy again:
"What are you doing now, my little princess?"
(I shouted to Kung in the bathroom: he asks me what you are doing now? Shall I say you stay with mama in Petchabun?, got a quick reply that this was very good)
...
"Me stay mama. When you come back Thailand darling? miss u so much!"
(HA! he should have known a naked man was answering his sms messages!)
"Don't know, maybe Christmas. How is school?"
(shit, school? What school?)
... I had to wait for Kung to come back, sitting naked with me on the bed, because I didn't know about that school stuff...
A little discussion and there comes the reply:
"School very good, but need more money. 7000 baht..."
... aaah, I could have answered this question without any knowledge about the background too. Kung wanted to open a saloon, some kind of a beauty/barber shop, but first she had to study a little bit for this. And mister farang had no problem paying her for the courses, an excellent way to keep her out of the bars in his opinion, because she had told him she really wanted to quit and start a new life since she knew her big love.
He agreed on paying 10000 baht extra, and while Kung was happy with my SMS-service pressing her naked, horny body against mine again, in order to start a second round, I quickly sent a message back: "thank you sooooo much darling. You best man in the world! big kiss! xxx"

A healthy tip to avoid the real highway to hell: check your visa date in Thailand!

2008-07-22T01:53:00.000-07:00

Having a party all night with your Thai girlfriend, ending up in the monkeyhouse a few days later, living in your own shit between the rats in a cellar without windows for 5 years because... you overstay your visa.
If a Thai would tell you this on your first visit, you'd be laughing out loud. Cheap, silly joke!
But it's not. It's what recently (almost) happened to a mister Gerrit Verspuij from Holland, after being released last week. And he is not the only one.
He was in the north to visit his Thai girlfriend. After a discussion with her, they kicked him out of the house and he stayed in Chiang Mai for a while. He forgot to extend his visa permission, police checked his papers and he got in jail. A small room, with 20 other prisoners, one "toilet" in the same room, no place to sleep, mosquitos, rats, shitty rice and dirty water as your only food, no fresh air, etc

If you don't have enough money left, no friends or relatives, it becomes very hard to ever get out of the shit. This guy was lucky, after 42 days he was released because his employer missed him, found him, did the necessary paperwork and paid his return ticket. He didn't get involved in the numerous fights and didn't have any ugly diseases.
Others are not so lucky and were in prison for 5 or up to 7 years, still waiting for a way to get out.

This article on Thaivisa.com describes a few more details about the fines, and the bad things that can happen to you, if your forget that little text with the date on your visa.

A prison in Europe or the US is like a five star hotel, compared to a Thai prison.
They like a lot of "joking joking haha" here but not if it concerns drugs, or immigration...;-)

Cheap flights for Thailand

2008-07-20T01:13:00.000-07:00

When it comes to low-cost in Thailand you have a choice between:
Airasia

One-two-go

Nokair

Nokair has been suspending flights, now one-two-go is suspending flights for 3 months on a larger scale.
Everything should be back to normal within a few months, but how? Higher fuel costs will remain a problem, especially for these smaller companies. I'm afraid prices will inevitably go up, we have to live with it.

Anyway, I'm a frequent Airasia customer, and I have to say: the recruitment and selection policy is absolutely stunning!

It almost feels like sitting in a flying agogo, the only difference is that these sexy angels won't come and sit on your lap, rubbing their ass against your instruments, and suggesting naughty things with their tongue and a wink...;-)

Don't have a swimming pool in your hotel?

2008-07-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Most tourists who visit Pattaya know about the Mike shopping mall, but not everybody knows about the swimming pool on top of it.
It's a nice place however, and for a little entrance fee, you can go swimming and enjoy one of the best views over Pattaya.

Living in Heaven?

2008-07-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

Life in Pattaya ain't bad, but it is far from living in heaven between beautiful angels.

If I knew in the past, what I know now, my decision would become more complicated.
I cannot give you any advise if you're planning to retire in Sodom and Gomorrah. Would it be a good decision these days, or not? Needless to say: this is very different for everyone.

First have a look at the headlines in Pattayadailynews.com. Mmmm, today we have: drug habits increasing, gun-happy motorbike gangs, kratoey pick-pocket, today's robbery victim, etc
No one stabbed and burned like that mister Martin Jochems last week or no spectacular accidents today. Not bad!

There are good things happening too of course!
But it is clear that some people such as this mister Wantanee Khamkongkaew are telling happy stories that are so exaggerated, in a way that it becomes a joke.

In this article he is writing about the incredible beaches in Pattaya (yes, there is a beach but not so very incredible: have a look at the picture in my blog a few days ago), living in Pattaya as living in Paradise, on a small budget (I would say around 50000 baht each month, that's not big but not really small either and a lot more than what you need in Udon Thani or Nong Kai), crime rates that are comparatively low (yes, L.A. is probably more dangerous but it is not THAT low), and blablabla

This article could have the title: "Joke of the day".

Nevertheless, Pattaya ain't so bad, but it ain't heaven, unless you remain in the Heaven's door bar in soi 7..:-)

The shortest way to Pattaya Memorial hospital

2008-07-14T04:47:00.000-07:00

You go to the most beautiful restaurant in Pattaya with the best view near the beach and sea. While you sit there with the romantic candle light, together with your fantastic looking partner, you order some delicious oysters. Some champaign? Yes, of course! It's a great evening, no time to think about your budget now. You feel like superman and It's gonna be fun tonight: sex and drugs and rock'n'roll !!!

Just a few hours later, instead of dancing in Marine and having the greatest sex of your life (that's what you were hoping for), you'll be shitting your pants like never before, ending up in Memorial hospital, with a three inch needle in your butt. A great shot of antibiotics, another needle in your arm, and a few days of rest later you'll be almost like new again, looking a little bit pale maybe, but after your trip to hell anything feels fine... ;-)

It happened to me, and it happened to a lot of other people I know, since my time in Pattaya. Follow the rules: cook it, peel it, or boil it !
Now you guess my answer when a waitress asks me "Would you like to try some of our delicious seafood sir?"

PS There are a few places though, where it should be safe to eat shellfish, but after my unpleasant experiences, I leave the test to others...

Me wanna be sexy lady

2008-07-13T01:14:00.000-07:00

Keep trying guys! Just a few more operations to go... :-)

Vamos a la playa in Pattaya? No thanks.

2008-07-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

Pattaya has been growing too fast during the past decades, and so has pollution. There are some improvements now, but I've never been swimming here and I never will (you might come out green colored with blue bubbles...).

A better option is visiting one of the small islands near Pattaya (Ko Lan) or the far islands where the diving guys go (Ko Rin, Ko Man Wichai). You could rent a boat on the beach that will bring you there (not too expensive if you can share it and go for a day). Or just go diving ;-)

Miss universe 2008

2008-07-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's quiet in Pattaya, and most of the news is a little bit too sad these days: Homicide here, suicide there and economic worries everywhere. This excellent article about the inflation on pattayaghost.com tells you all about this. True and interesting.

However, life is too short to complain about all the bad things, and when there's nothing to say that makes you happy, I just had a look at the miss universe candidates this year, in Vietnam (shit, we're at the wrong beach in Pattaya!). When even Mr Buffet loses 20% this year, I'd say, forget about your stocks and let's have a look at these nice candidates that make you forget about credit worries, oil prices, inflation, climate change, rising food prices, lack of clean water, etc

Very nice girl, miss Thailand, but I'd personally vote for miss Aruba or Venezuela (see photo)...

Everybody JUMP !!!

2008-07-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

Pattaya is all about jumping, but not always in the most clever way.

Bungee jumping to start with, is very popular but when you're used to Western safety rules, you might reconsider your decision to make a jump when you see the rope. They claim it is 100% safe, but I don't know. They didn't see any crocodiles in the lake where you'll be jumping, ...now that's a relief!...:-)

Another popular activity is base jumping, as this old article shows with some nice pictures. But again, I'd personally prefer to decline the offer.

Suicide by jumping in Pattaya is very popular too. It is amazing how many articles you'll find about people jumping to their death.

I'll keep it with the most popular jumping sport in Pattaya: jumping in the bed, the risks for injuries are minimal...

Do you like Asian girls?

2008-07-07T01:33:00.000-07:00

If you arrived on this page, you're probably curious about Pattaya, or you just came here by accident. And if you're curious about Pattaya, you're probably male and like Asian girls.
I've always been a Flickr fan to store my pictures, and even with all those hundreds of new similar sites to store and share your pictures, I still prefer Flickr. It's my number one, just like the bargirls in Pattaya always tell me I'm their number one too, as long as my sexy wallet is filled...

If you just wanna browse pictures, Flickr.com is nice too, here are some groups to start with:

Asian girl next door

Awesome asians/

Asian Beauty (China Korea Japan Philippines Thai Taiwan HK Sing)

Asian female beauty

Asian Girls: your original work only, no photos found on the web

Yes, I wanna boom boom all your friends!

2008-07-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

I knew bargirls were good actors, but this one is too honest...:-)

A picture from Pattaya in 1975? Or not...

2008-07-04T01:31:00.000-07:00

Is this how Pattaya looked like in the 1970's or something? Could be, but it is a very recent picture, and it is not Pattaya.

I was here earlier this year however, for the third time, as I wanted a real beach, a quiet and relaxing place, and some peace (yeah, believe me, Pattaya gets boring after a while: only sexy girls in noisy bars with indecent proposals, every day, again and again...).
Well, I hope this place will never become "New Pattaya", but when you walk around here and see all the new hotels growing like mushrooms, I fear it really might become a smaller, second Pattaya. There are just a few bars now, comparable to beer bars, but no gogo places, no Sabai rooms, no big supermarkets or McDonalds around every corner, just one small dancing, and in the center one bar that everyone seems to know in this beach town, called Freedom bar. It's a pity, there are better places then this Freedom bar. When I was there and wanted to take a picture with my girlfriend, I was not allowed to, because of some French arrogant guy threatened to throw my camera into pieces, behaving as if Cambodia would still be a French colony. For one second I wanted to do something very ugly, but my friend told me to stay calm, put the camera away, and shut up.
If he would have asked me in a polite way, I could understand, but not like this!
99% of the people in France are nice people I think, as I have met a few nice French too, but I happened to meet the most ridiculous, arrogant jerks here in this "freedom" bar, I guess. Later on, other french speaking jerks with the same bad attitude entered the bar. I left, and after a second try I'll never go back. Talking with some cambodian girls, I heard there were problems almost every night in this bar, drunk guys fighting for the most silly reasons.
Better go to Victory Hill where you have a few better options. Well, the good side of the story of a developing Sihanoukville is that probably bars like Freedom will disappear, when they get some new competition with friendly people.
Sihanoukville is a booming place. If you want to see it like it is on the picture, you better hurry.
I'm pretty sure the relaxing, unspoiled beaches will turn into mass tourism within the next 5 years. That's a shame, but there is no way back! With the better infrastructure and the new airport coming this is gonna be a very, busy place like Siem Reap already is (in fact, there is not a real airport now, as the only plane, a Tupolev, crashed into the mountains in 2007 and was not replaced). I was on the bus...;-)

I prefer Ochheutal beach now, pitch black at night when I was there, with only one small, nice bar called Dolphin. It's not even something you could call a bar, as the place consists only of some chairs on the beach and close to the sea, a tap and some music.
But it's nice! And hey, pssst... I must not say it, not my stuff, but if you wanna smoke something happy happy, it's available here...
On your own risk of course, as the law is just the same as in Thailand. You know what happens if they catch you: Monkey house!

Soi blowjob... sorry, I mean Soi Postoffice

2008-07-02T02:52:00.000-07:00

This old picture tells us something about one of the first BJ bars in Soi Postoffice in Pattaya. Marilyn Monroe, Mona Lisa, etc Yes, there is (or has been) even culture and art in Pattaya!
These holes were not used to pass your letters though, and the bar doesn't exist anymore but the street is still well known.

If you want to have your letter posted these days, there are other places like Lolitas or any place in Soi 6...:-)

Which bar has the most sexy girls?

2008-06-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know, but if you are looking for a party with girls in the most sexy costumes, Atlantic bar is certainly in the top list.
Check out their mermaids and location on the site. Atlantic can be found in North pattaya, second road.

Mmm, I think you can guess the "dress code" for this week when you look at the girl on the left... ;-)

Good old times

2008-06-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

A bikini contest in the early nineties:
Looking at these pictures makes me wish for a time machine...

Darts, pattaya style

2008-06-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

This is how the ladies in Pattaya play darts. Wanna pose?

Where the f**k is my bike?

2008-06-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

A warning for people who never came to Pattaya before:
IF you rent a motorbike (which is a bad idea for several reasons, better stick with the Bahtbus or just walk), don't park it where you shouldn't.

I went to my favorite restaurant on second road, left my bike where I think it is OK (behind the lines), but when I came out of the restaurant it was gone. Again!
Though I could guess the answer to my question, I asked the girls outside in Thai English: "You see motorbike me?". Answer of the sweeties: "Police take. Many many".

Went to the police station, and yes, I parked my motorbike in a prohibited area. 500 baht please. After a polite remark that I'm almost sure I was right about the lines, got away with 200 baht. I know any more discussion is useless, it is just a little game, the "collect as many farang motorbikes as you can in no time"-game.
Shouting will get you nowhere.

The little good thing in Thailand is, that even fines can be bargained...;-)

Euro2008: time for a sexy break

2008-06-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

Has nothing to do with Pattaya, but... just because I like this movie so much, and I hope you don't mind...:-)

5 reasons to quit smoking

2008-06-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about a few possible reasons:

1) Better sex: yeah, the main reason why I quit myself (got out of breath every time)
2) (Thai) girls will like you more, your chances will skyrocket (I don't know any country where hygiene and body care is more important; shower before sex, shower after sex...)
3) You can reach the upper floor in Royal garden plaza, without having to go back downstairs and outside for another shot because you're not allowed to smoke in any building.
4) 1 month no smoking = 1 FREE Ticket in Sabai room body massage (all options included)
5) 1 year no smoking = 1 FREE Ticket to Koh Chang with your number one Gogo girl of choice!
(pic: Euro2008, German frontline...:-))

To smoke, or not to smoke

2008-06-20T11:39:00.001-07:00

To smoke or not to smoke, that's the question! I don't know if the smoking ban is a good thing or not. I tend to say not. I am NOT a smoker myself, since I quit almost 4 years ago now, but I believe it would be better to leave everyone the choice to smoke or not to smoke. As long as someone doesn't blow his smoke right in my face, I don't really care.
20% wants to smoke, so, just let it be. There are already too much rules in this world, and life is too short to keep mourning!

22 acacia avenue is somewhere in Pattaya

2008-06-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Don't know what is wrong with that little soi 6/1, the street next to soi 6, but I got into a troublesome situation there twice now!
The first time was my own stupid fault (in fact, the second too...) as I wanted to go to the beachroad from second road, it was in the middle of the night, all the action in soi 6 is finished by then (I didn't have to fear any girls literally taking me by the balls), but still, I decided to go to the beach through soi 6/1 for a change, and began to regret this after a few steps, when I realized it is not a good idea to walk in this small dark street alone. Almost in the middle of soi 6/1, three ladyboys came out of nowhere and blocked my way, clearly not with any good intensions.
The one in the middle had a knife (didn't see it up close but I'm pretty sure it was not his lollipop), the two others moved quickly behind me, and the way they surrounded me was not because they wanted to propose me to smoke my cigar.
"Where you go darling?", ladyboy one asked me while the 2 others were smiling, getting too close and breathing in my neck.
I am certainly not a hero in these situations, but this time, don't ask me why, I stayed calm and answered his question with another question: "You know where I can find ATM?".
This COULD be a stupid question as they might propose to accompany me to get some money and hand them over, but in this case I knew very well there is only an ATM at the beach road or back in second road, where there is enough people even at 3 or 5 in the morning. Asking for an ATM seemed a better believable reply instead of simply telling him I didn't have any money when he didn't ask for it yet.
In fact, I couldn't escape and wanted to win some time, and yes, I was lucky a few farangs entered the street from beachroad, so I pointed to the beach side and said: 'I think there, right?'
Ladyboy one looked briefly, saw the farangs, and put away his lollipop. I said good evening, smiled and started walking past him without looking back. For a moment my heart rate was going in overdrive... :-)

PS Even though Pattaya is pretty safe overall, I got into problems another time, again soi 6/1 but this was daytime, I didn't expect to have any kind of problems (this time however just another ladyboy bothering me in a very agressive way, not to steal my money, but probably just because he was on yaba or something).

Pussy out of service? No pompem!

2008-06-16T11:06:00.001-07:00

More football...

2008-06-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

A link to Italian football here and a nice wallpaper there

Soccer? Can be nice...:-)

They are all watching television, excellent time to screw someone else his girl... (yes I'm bad, but you know what is printed on the t-shirt: good guys go to heaven, bad guys go to Pattaya...)

She my sister!

2008-06-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

When you're talking with 2 bargirls, one of them might tell you: "She my sister!".

They are not really sisters, but in this case 'my sister' means something like: "My very best friend, the only one I can always trust and will always be there to support each other!".
As you might expect, sisters come and go easily in a rapid changing barworld, where money and jealousy are lurking around every corner. Even buddhism cannot always keep this danger away.
But I know a few sisters that are "sisters" for a very loooong time (not these sexy 2 sirens in the picture).

Pattaya beer garden

2008-06-11T00:33:00.000-07:00

The menu in the beergarden has been updated. The food is excellent, the views are great, the music is perfect.
So, what is wrong?
It is still too quiet there, but I wouldn't mind if I were you. Maybe this will all change when the next high season is coming, but for now, don't count on the single ladies if you want some company. To be honest, it's not a bad thing to have some relaxing time on your own in chaotic Pattayaaa...:-)

Don't do it at the floor

2008-06-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

Signs in Thailand, always funny...

And as everyone is talking about football, here are some interesting pictures from the game yesterday (in Dutch, but just scroll down) or a nice wallpaper here :-)

Let's play football in the room!

2008-06-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

I don't really care about euro2008, and it looks to me that a lot of Thai guys (and ladies) are betting all their money on it, something that happens every 2 years...
You won't find me in a bar during those days, between drunk guys watching the same goals all day long, complaining about missed penalties etc, and asking my opinion, looking for a reason to start a little fight.

But I guess there is no escape: every place in Pattaya has at least one television, but only one channel it seems.

Even the bargirls look football, dreaming about marrying any of those sexy, "big money"-22 players on the field, ...until the 90 minutes are over, and they have to look again at no-style-Farang Pum puy who just barfined them, and finishes his last beer before leaving to his cheap charlie-room. That's life, and we all have our dreams sometimes...

When I see a site like THIS one, football gets a little bit more interesting... and I start to dream too, about actually being one of those 22, forgetting the bargirl sitting next to me.

And this girl is wearing the wrong t-shirt, but she's playing very well: penalty kick for me, and she is the goalkeeper...;-)

The best bars to get a stiff... neck

2008-06-06T23:36:00.000-07:00

Beavers has all the needed ingredients to leave the bar with a stiff neck: the place is rather narrow, girls are dancing on your table (sometimes missing some essential underwear), and there are quite a few sexy ones that will keep you looking up.

If you had too much beer you can give up keeping your head up, look down in the mirrored glass, and you'll still see ...beavers...:-)

Bars and the girls are changing all the time in Pattaya, but in Beavers they should take some new pictures for the website (they don't do any justice now)

If you like this bar, you might also like the Beach Club with a little bit more space, located in soi 15, and close to mistys which is linked to this beavers, and moved away from soi pattayaland2.
But, stiff neck again...;-)

Who said Pattaya is for bad guys?

2008-06-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

In Thailand almost everyone is Bhuddist. And some people say Pattaya is one big brothel?
What? I've never seen a bar here! The only thing I know of is the church.
Okay, they may believe you at home about the Crocodile farm, or Nong Nooch tropical garden, but nobody will believe a story about going to a church in Pattaya...:-)

However, there really IS a church (but I confess I've never been there).

Funny is the way some people in Thailand have become a Christian. I discovered some Thai logic, no joking...:

A bargirl told me she had become a Christian: "Me go church every day!". WOW! Good girl! So I asked her why she goes boom boom with farang every day again when she is a Christian; these two things doesn't really fit together, don't you think?
"Boom boom no pompem! Go church again!". So, why no problem?
Well, she goes to the church to confess all her sins since yesterday, and God forgives them. Every single day the same trick!

Now that is convenient! When I have a problem with you because I've been cheating you, I will tell you to wait, I go the church for some confession, and everything will be fine, nothing to worry about, but the following day I will cheat you again of course... :-)

Love me tender!

2008-06-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

More then 30 years after his dead, and far away in Thailand, you would never think about Elvis.
But in Pattaya he is still popular, and you have a good chance to find one of his imitators during your holiday here, without having to look for it.

This is the "Thai" Elvis, the one you can find near walking street. But there are others, so if you are still an Elvis fan, Pattaya is the place to be!!!

You could sleep in the Elvis room in Hard rock Hotel Pattaya (if the price is no point...), after going to some Elvis Pub.

And if you are not an Elvis fan, well, after listening to "Hotel California" (Eagles) again and again and again (I think this is the song every Thai live music band plays every evening, at least once...), you'll be glad to hear something else.

Here are some links:
www.ritchienewton.com

http://www.rotaryelvis.com

zab bar

The (im)possibility of traditional massage in Pattaya

2008-06-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

Traditional massage has nothing to do with sex. You keep your clothes on (some kind of pyjama) and they work your back and legs, all your muscles, which might hurt a little bit.
Nothing wrong with it.
Another option is the oil massage, in this case you'll have to be naked. But again, no sex. Oh no!
Don't you even dare to think about that, you naughty boy!
And if you start having a problem, think about some ugly grandma.

Easy huh? Now you should try to be a good boy in Jan's massage for example, soi 11 (honey), between second road and soi buakhow. Or you could go in this same street to Culture club massage, or Sawasdee, etc
It looks like a place for a serious, decent traditional massage, however...

I went there with the intention to be very serious, only coming to the place for a real traditional massage.

But let me tell you why it is pretty impossible, and suppose YOU are Mr Serious in Pattaya, trying to avoid any sexual encounter:

The problems already start before you enter the place as the massage ladies are not old, ugly, boring women in long sleeves here, but young, sexy girls dressed in booty shorts.

It would help a little if they would be rude while proposing their services, but they will tell you with a big smile how handsome you are, asking if you'd like some... mmmmm ooooh ... oil massage... while showing their tongue and winking to you.
No problem to keep your dignity if you are Mr Serious, as you can just deny all this jiggy-jig talk easily.

Now, after deciding on that decent oil massage, a sexy girl will lead you upstairs to the second floor, smiling at you all the time. The stairs are steep, and it doesn't help again to look up, only to see her great ass shaking just above your nose.
Once year arrive near the massage beds, each separated by curtains, the girl will be rude for one time and command you: "take off!". This rudeness however doesn't help at all to keep your little one at sleep, as these girls have something sexy in everything they say.

She might be a good girl if you are lucky, not looking while you get undressed or even go away for a minute.
But if she keeps looking while you have to uncover your willy, think about that ugly grandma again, get on the bed, ass up and face down.
Mission completed, and now you'll be safe for a while as she will always start the massage with your back.

She'll get the oil and sit on top of you. No problems, or maybe a little bit, because you'll feel that sexy ass, the same ass you've inevitably been looking at on the stairs. Her small hands will rub your back with oil, your legs, etc until she will be sliding a little bit too far, and you will feel one of those small hands touching your balls. "ooops, me sorry".
Maybe you'll hear another girl behind the curtains who starts giggling. Now, Mr Serious, you have a problem and from now on, it will only get worse, as this is the beginning of a never ending attack on that dignity of yours.

After a minute, you'll hear: "ooops, me sorry again", the small hand sliding a little bit further this time. A moment later, she'll be only massaging that middle part, making you sweat.

Time to think about that old grandma again? Nope, too late, as of this moment she will tell you: "Turn!".
Time to confess you have a little problem down there, Mr Serious...
2 naughty eyes will look at your middle now. Oh? What happen, Sir!!!? giggle giggle and she'll grab something that will be hard as a rock by now.

I guess I leave the end of the story up to your imagination, but even if you've never been to Pattaya, I think you'll agree that a lot of traditional massage doesn't end the way it was intended to, originally....;-)

You can find easily "no sex" massage in Jomtien or some places in Naklua road or beach road too, but near second road? Forget about it...

(pic: Thai model May pitchanart)

The nazis are still there!

2008-05-30T09:07:00.001-07:00

SS-helmet
Originally uploaded by Saturnus1959

If you drive on your motorbike in Europe or the US, wearing a SS helmet from nazi Germany, they would put you in jail.

In Pattaya it is just FUN, you can buy one or other nazi attributes like this one on beach road and drive around with it, without any problem.... :-)

In fact, it is nothing more then a sign, even the Jewish guys from KiSS used it.
In Thailand this is not a problem, I think because Hitler didn't get this far...:-)

Bargirls have a good memory!

2008-05-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

Just remember this: bargirls have a very good memory, and if you are a big butterfly man you won't get away with just walking past a bar, pretending you don't know any of the girls, as you might very well get a message like this one... :-)

Freelancers on beach road

2008-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

A lot of girls don't work in bars, massage salons or agogos, but work freelance, around disco's or near the beach road because they just want to be free and independent, others because they've been kicked out of the bars for some reason (stealing, STD, etc).

When you have a walk on beach road, you'll have a good chance to see this girl, Na. She is one of the best know freelance girls here, as she has been around for many years (and still is...).
She is reading a very interesting book here...;-)

PS Don't confuse with the FLB Bar, 'cause that's not a freelance bar like the name suggests, but it IS a nice bar...

Soi 8: Finally ONE DJ ?

2008-05-24T03:27:00.000-07:00

One reason why I didn't like soi 8 is the fact that you have to shout in the middle of the street: too much bars in a too small area, all playing their own music, trying to make more noise than the next bar!!!

Those beerbars are gone now, Cherry bar (picture) with boss Adam "Hammer" being one of them (now in Soi 13).

The owner of the barcomplex in soi 8 will rebuild everything from zero, with...yes... ONE soundsystem.
Finally some peace... :-)

TQ2: What about some meat?

2008-05-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

Found this picture on the Tahitian Queen 2 site and I was wondering what the girl was doing here...:-)

Those who stay in Pattaya will probably recognize some faces on the site, and our "student"...:-)

I wasn't there that day and I'm not a frequent visitor of TQ2. However, I've been to Tahitian Queen many times, which is located on beach road. TQ has been there for years, something unusual for a gogo bar.
And it will remain popular for years, if you ask me. Cause Rock n'Roll ain't noise pollution...

It is a nice bar to hop in for a drink early, before most other agogo's are open (and if you need some cool air, though the airco is a little bit too high in my opinion...).
Best part of the bar is the good old-fashioned rock à la AC/DC, Mötley Crüe, Guns'n Roses, ZZ Top, etc
If that is what you like of course...

Your first time, something you won't forget...

2008-05-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

Entering Pattaya for the first time is amazing for anyone. And for some of us even shocking... :-)

Something funny in Pattaya are the faces of tourists just entering the city for the first time on a bus, most of them arriving late when the city gets busy.
They are all looking at the bars, eyes wide open, nose against the glass, mouth open, and you can see them wondering: "How the hell did the tour operator get us in such a mess without any warning about what we would see!". Dirty old men and filthy prostitutes!

Personally, I prefer the expression on the face of old American "high class" women getting off the cruise ship for a walk in sin city. priceless!!!

It is a bit like this picture... :-)

Wishful thinking

2008-05-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

4 Thai girls in your bed! What could a man ever want more?
Well, a broken TV maybe.
Because in this case it looks like the poor guy forgot to sabotage the television.

the secret eyes in Pattaya...

2008-05-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

You can see them at every corner or supermarket, the motortaxi guys in Pattaya.
What are these guys doing? Yep, you can get around all Pattaya on the backseat of such a motorbike. For some of them, that's all they do and where the story ends.
But not in a city like Pattaya, where money rules...

Did you ever notice that some of these guys just sit on their motorbike all day long and do nothing?
Where do they get money to drink beer and do nothing?

Well, if you stay with a (bar)girl for a long time and you decide to do something else in Pattaya with another girl, she will know faster then you can imagine. Did she hear from another bargirl? Or did you just walk past a motortaxi?
It's even possible this motortaxi is her husband, but you'll never know, and in this case he is just a taxi guy to have an easy and close look on you, and/or her earnings...:-)

Maybe google may blur your face in modern technology, but in Pattaya you will always remain VERY visible...

If you want a little private detective to protect yourself, you could try to find and pay a taxi to keep an eye on someone, or you could hire one as a (muay thai) body guard.

These are the pretty innocent activities of a motortaxi. With a lot of Thai and Russian maffia in Pattaya, I guess you can imagine a lot more and less innocent things yourself. I just know this: if a bad guy is after you in Pattaya, don't stay in Pattaya, as you simply can't hide...:-)

Soi buokhaow

2008-05-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

I think the right name is "soi buokhaow", but in fact, nobody knows.
And as we are in Thailand, nobody really cares about whether the name is boukhow, buakhow, bhuakaw, etc
It's a bit like the way Thai sometimes number streets and houses. Of course, it might be a problem when new streets come between number 13 and 14 for example. You could make it 13,5 or 13/1.
The real problem comes when you have to look for house number 189 for example: you'll walk past 185, 186, 187, 188,... and then... 190. Where the f**k is 189?
Well, it might be sandwiched between 20 and 21, or maybe it simply doesn't exist.

Keep smiling, cause this is Thailand, but you don't want to be a postman here...:-)

Pussy for rent?

2008-05-11T05:21:00.000-07:00

Some pictures simply don't need any further explanation...:-)

The German owner of the Mods bar in soi six was arrested last month for fraud.
Now "fraud" can be anything in sin city, including not bribing the police enough. You never know, and in this case: I just don't want to know...

What's on the menu today? Viagra? Levitra? Kamagra?

2008-05-10T03:15:00.000-07:00

If you have a problem with your willy, you could have a look at an online shop like http://www.genericpills4less.com.
There is an amazing list of viagra-like stuff: cialis, kamagra, levitra, uprima, etc

But if you stay in Pattaya, they'll be able to help you almost around any corner.
They even help you when you don't need any help!

I went to a pharmacy once, not for an erectile problem however (I'm lucky everything is still working fine), but for an eye infection. What I wanted was terramycine, but I just remembered 'terra and something...'.
After explaining my problem to the very young girl (15 or something) in the pharmacy, she said: "no pompem. have", and with a big smile she put some viagra on the desk.
I smiled back and said: "no no, that is not my problem", pointing at my eye.
After that, she got me other pills, but again, the wrong pills for the same wrong problem.

It was clear to me that the young girl wasn't used to be in the pharmacy, and maybe she confused the name Terra with those other similar names, or maybe dad or mama was gone for a while, and told her: if you see a man, you give him THIS, that will probably make him happy... ;-)

I finally tried to explain her once again: my EYE = BAD, and DICK = OKAY.
These words I know in Thai and she finally understood, started laughing and said: "me sorry, me no have".

Snooker and seduction

2008-05-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

In a fully air conditioned atmosphere, play "farangs" (westerner with a long nose and white skin) escorted by their thai ladies who have a good skill at both games : snooker and seduction.
That's a nice description for what WAS (?) the 19th hole.

I used to come here pretty often, as you can't play snooker in the bed all the time.
This was the second floor:

World Tattoo Arts Festival 16-17-18 May 2008

2008-05-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

The 2nd World Tattoo Arts Festival & Exhibition 2008 by Jimmy Wong will be held at Pattaya Beach, Thailand on 16-17-18 May 2008, during which "World Class Tattoo Artists" are going to showcase their amazing tattooing talents.
Check out the site at http://www.jimmywongtattoo.com

Tattoos! You like it, or you hate it. One thing is for sure: there are many places in Pattaya and Bangkok where you can have a nice tattoo for a decent price.

So so, you want the name of your girlfriend on your dick?
Don't be shy here, they are used to this type of question in Pattaya, it's like ordering a pizza... :-)

Why would you come to Pattaya with an empty luggage?

2008-05-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Now this is why!
Just pay a little extra at the check-in, I think that will be about 50% overweight...:-)

Virtual walk through Pattaya

2008-05-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

Now you can have a walk through Pattaya on www.pattayaphotoguide.com or better: move around like a hopping frog through the streets, but it is very well done however as you can turn the camera 360 degrees at any point.

Anyway, if you see this SUV coming, be quick and hide, as you don't want to explain to your wife where you've been to (she won't believe you when you tell her it was the local touroperator, sitting on your lap with almost no clothes, while you're having a beer in your right hand, and your left hand is not holding the shopping guide... ;-)

X-Zyte

2008-05-02T05:14:00.000-07:00

A 300 baht entry fee including one drink, and you're in X-Zyte on third road, near Buffalo bar. X-Zyte is one of the disco's I would recommend in Pattaya (I like this one more than the Lucifers, Tony's or Marines to name just a few, but that is a personal opinion).

X-zyte has a more relaxed atmosphere, the interior is black, with giant screens and you can have a look at the nice little shows.

It is mainly Thai, and Thai music may get a little bit boring after a while, but the locals never get boring.
In fact, I would never go there (or in any other disco), but you can't always take your girlfriend to a gogobar, you know... ;-)

Click here for map

Virtual Beer Garden

2008-04-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

You don't stay near Pattaya, and can't visit the newly opened Beer Garden?

Well, instead of wasting your time in real bars, you could waste it just as well in a virtual bar in the new game Grand Theft auto IV or just GTA IV, on Xbox360 or PS3.

I'm not what you could call a hardcore gamer, playing 1 or 2 games in a year is too little for that, but I guess this is the one I really want for this year.

For the rest of the time, I prefer having a real drink, but nevertheless, this looks nice...

Thai Logic

2008-04-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

If you stay in the Land of Smiles for a long time, you know "Thai Logic". Well, actually you just know it, but you don't understand it.
Personally, I have given up completely.

Suppose you go to a hotel, where you order the same breakfast, day after day, a simple omelette and you order it to the same person, it is very well possible you might get omelette 5 days long, but on the 6th day at a moment when you suppose you don't even have to tell them anymore what you'd like, you get 2 boiled eggs. In that case, just smile, tell them YOU might have made a stupid mistake, and they will probably help you (...after telling them a few times with a big smile how stupid you are).

Not a big deal, but these things happen daily, and if you are just a tourist, all you get is the wrong breakfast. If you're thinking about building a house in Thailand however, be sure to have a window where you expected a door, warm water associated with blue taps, cold with red, etc...:-)
Are they stupid? NO. Are they doing all this on purpose? NO.
I think this is what Thai logic is about.

Something easy to understand however is who is right or wrong. An older Thai boss in a company is right, even when he is wrong. If you mix in a Farang, the Farang is always very wrong...

I had some Western girlfriends, and even with them, I've never seen the logic in their reactions.

To end the story, when I have a discussion with my Thai girlfriend (THAI + WOMAN = NO LOGIC AT ALL), all I do is:
1) Shut up
2) Take a beer
3) Stop thinking until it's over.
4) Keep smiling

This is, in my opinion, the best way to handle Thai logic...;-)

PS: Picture: Wanida Temthanaporn (Giftzy) : thai singer